More Problems with maid and matron.?

Ok so my Matron trying to plan my shower. She found a resonable price and my mom wanted it there. But my maid said she doesn't want it there because that is where her reception for her wedding was suppose to be there. She got engaged then broke it off. I still don't know why. Also all four girls agreed on a dress and she disagreed. Also bacherlotte she wants to do the winieries that is what I wanted to do then go to dinner and then go out clubbing to the same old bar we always go to. Having a limo from 9 am till midnight. I know some of the girls can not afford this what do I tell her. ALso she wants to invite girls from her work I have never met. Is she re-living her wedding through me. She is making everything really difficult and pissing everyone off??

More Problems with maid and matron.?
It does sound like she is making this into her wedding. As the bride you do have pull. Tell her what your thoughts are and try to be sensitive to her feelings about this whole thing as well. In the end, this is your party, so make sure your voice is heard.
Reply:I would sit her down and ask her what the big deal is about you using the same place that her wedding reception was going to be at. Its not like she is still getting married and is going to be using it. Her wedding was called off. She cant claim that it was hers or something and prevent you from using it. Especially after she said go look at this place. I would go ahead an book it. She doesnt have to be the one throwing it. Does anyone else want to throw you the shower? How about one of the other bridesmaids or other friends?





Why would she invite people that you dont even now to YOUR bachelorette, that is just plain rude and unacceptable. Why do you need a limo all day? I would flat out tell her that this is unacceptable and that the girls cant afford the limo. Its a lot cheaper to just get a cab or get a designated driver for the evening that is willing to drive everyone home at the end of the night.





Get with the other bridesmaids and their opinons and than make a decision as a group. But just remember it is YOUR bachelorette party and you should get to do what YOU want to do.
Reply:You got it right. She's make it about herself and not you. You cannot plan your wedding and your activities around her and her desires.





You should be up-front with her. Tell her that you have your plate full and would like to make things simple and economical for everyone involved. Tell her that you appreciate all of her efforts, but you want to be considerate and wish not to add any extra expenses. If she's a good friend, she should understand.





About the venue of the party, tell her that you understand that maybe the place would make her feel uncomfortable, and that you would understand if she doesn't want attend the shower. Be firm and emphazise that the place has been reserved and that you have no plans on changing it.





Tell her that you wish to keep small and private as possible and that would like for only YOUR friends to attend.





This is about you, not her!





Good luck
Reply:You need to tell this maid that if she cannot handle her respsonsibilities, then she needs to step down. Deciding your wedding events is NOT her job. Also the guest list should NEVER include someone the bride or groom does not know.


YOU need to decide a great way to celebrate with YOUR friends and family (and to-be family) that won't break anyone's budget or make you miserable. While a dream wedding may not be affordable, try doing some of the things on your want list.
Reply:I never thought I would say this, but you are the bride, so the parties are supposed to be tailored to the things that you like to do.





Yes it does seem she is trying to make the events into something she would want. She shouldn't invite the girls she knows from work. Only people invited to the wedding are supposed to be invited to the pre-parties.





You tell her about the limo, what you told us. The girls cannot afford to chip in for a limo for this long. Have a talk with her, but don't ask her to step down or kick her out of the wedding. It isn't about that kind of unpleasantness.
Reply:If she's causing problems, then kindly tell her so. If she continues then tell her that you're removing her from the party.
Reply:elope...will be must less stressful
Reply:It sounds like she's up to something!


Maybe you need to pull an "I'm the bride! And this is what I want . . . " and side with the majority.
Reply:Yes she is but there is an important thing to remember...not rub in her face but just keep in mind--she is not engaged. Therefore there is no site she was going to have for her reception. There is no reception. Not to mention you aren't doing your shower in the scale, colors, or anything like a wedding. So it will be there.





All 4 girls agreed on a dress. My god call the presses. You are giving them a vote which is the oddest thing to me but they all agreed. Order quickly or more than one will change their mind. Why doesn't she agree now? She may have another dress suggestion that everyone will love as well.





The bachelorette party is out of your hands. You suggested a winery and they seem ok with this...but as for the rest of it you shouldn't even be involved. They plan, they inform each other of what they can/cannot afford. You merely show up for the party. I'm sure if they can't afford a limo they will let her know exactly how much money they will donate to her limo cause.





As far as inviting some of the girls you don't know--thats out. But invite someone she likes but you both know. Give in on a minor point to keep her happy. Remember you don't want to destroy your friendship but an important thing to keep repeating is I'll keep your suggestion in mind. and Thats a good idea; let me ponder that. But as her friend you have to understand that she is hurting and wedding planning is not helping her. So try not to ask her to do too much for you. Each wedding activity will remind her of how her man left her. However you can be supportive, kind, and still have enough backbone that your wedding happens the way you want it.
Reply:As for the place for the shower, is she paying for it or your mom? Because if your mom is then tell your matron to step off!!! as for the dress, why do you care if she disagrees if she isnt going to wear it then shes not in the wedding put your fot down. and I think she is living through you, she shouldnt be inviting friends from her work(keywork: HER) its your last night with YOUR girls!!!!! Maybe you need to drill her on why she broke it off???
Reply:I would be telling her to back off. and if she doesn't like it i wouldn't include her. Sounds like a nightmare. It is your wedding not hers. so what ever you say goes. if she doesn't like it then she can screw off..





I plan on having a bach. party at a winery as well and getting a limo to take us there so no one has to worry about driving, and then maybe have a little get together after wards with everyone else.


If someone cant afford to go, then they just cant. Like i said its all about you!! Or at least it should be!!





Best of luck to you, and congrats. I hope everything works out.

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