Maid of honor troubles?

When I got engaged i called some of my friends, on being a girl who i grew up with since the time I was 3 years of age we are now in our 30's and talk regular she lives in california and I am in Louisiana.





we got on as two woman do when talking about wedding colors and such , and she said she would look great in the color I chose for the wedding almost inviting herself to the primary role of MOH . I was ok with that but since then that is all she has talked about was her dress. and how great she is gonna look in it.





mean while my friends here have been a tremendous help with everything!!!! I feel that one of them should be the maid of honor for all the effort they have done and continue to do.





is there a way to demote my old friend to a differant position who I can't seem to get on the phone to even talk to her about my plans she is also is traveling to africa for a month.





we are only having a simple sm formal ceromony one best man and one person for the bride.

Maid of honor troubles?
Dub her Mistress of Ceremonies.





She can wear the same dress as the bridesmaids, attend the parties beforehand like rehersal dinner, and take pics with you guys but during the wedding will be in back making sure everybody is walking on time, you look good from the back, etc.





During the reception she will be in charge of gifts, making announcements like when it's time for dinner, etc.





Make sure you mention her title in the programs just like anybody else.





Basically she will be doing everything a wedding planner would be doing that day. If she questions why she's not MOH just explain that you really appreciate how responsible and caring she is so you wanted her to be in this crucial role because you know she can be trusted. She doesn't have to be super involved with the planning, just have a timeline printed up for her.
Reply:Be aware that anything you tell her trying to justify why she's no longer the MOH is going to bring up some problems. She seems to be the self-centered type so she'll probably throw a tantrum and decide not to be a part of the wedding at all. She hasn't been active in your wedding planning and therefore has no idea what is going on. Is she comfortable with public speaking and organizing the day? If not, handling the whole ceremony as MC may not be the thing for her (although it's a great idea by the way). Perhaps she can do a reading during the ceremony instead.
Reply:The fact that she isn't available now should be a good indication that she may not be available later. I would continue your plans, possibly with out her, and fill her in on the details later. A MOH should make her self available, you shouldn't have to track her down. She will either understand, or not. Either way have a great day!
Reply:Hmm weddings hey! I am trying to organise one and having similar problems! At the end of the day this you YOUR wedding and you shouldnt feel obliged to make this woman you MOH, why dont you send her an email or a letter explaining how this friend has helped you so much and you think she deserves to be asked. If all else fails, change your phone number, move house and avoid your friend!
Reply:I think it's reasonable for you to "demote" her. The MOH is supposed to help and support the bride, and you're already not getting that. It doesn't sound like she's going to be much help on your wedding day, if she's already acting flaky.





It's not going to be fun, but tell her that you've been thinking a lot about this, and your local friend has been such a big help to you that you have decided to make her your MOH. Stress that you just need more help than she can give, considering she lives far away and it's hard to reach her.





If you're having a small bridal party, then perhaps you can ask her to do a reading at the ceremony. She may be understanding and accept that. But she may get angry and not come to the wedding at all, so you have to be prepared for that. Good luck to you!
Reply:It's not a demotion if you never asked her in the first place... and it sounds like you didn't. She just assumed. That's a very tricky spot since you didn't head her off in the beginning. And if you aren't able to get in touch with her, you won't be able to make plans to include her anyway. She will soon enough learn that she isn't your maid of honor when plans are being made, fittings and the rehearsal are being scheduled and she isn't included. I know that sounds like a cold way to go about it, but without being able to talk to her, you haven't much choice.
Reply:Too much emphasis is put onto the term "maid of honour".


Just tell her she is a bridesmaid and that one of your other friends is Maid of honour cos she is the one doing the work. If she doesnt like it, tough. Sounds like you need to strengthen up here and stop letting this "friend" walk all over you. She sounds too domineering and self centred to make a reliable maid of honour, who is really there to support you, not just to look good on the day.