My wife doesn't want to be a bride's maid in my siblings weddings. I tell her if she's asked she should. help

Both my brother and sister are getting married next summer. My wife and I are a bit older then my siblings. My wife says she doesn't want to hang around with a bunch of 20-something year olds (which the other bride's maids are). Basically she doesn't want to do it because she doesn't feel like she has any connection to them other than through me. So she told my sister that neither I nor her would be in the wedding. Now my brother has asked me to be his best man, but again my wife said she wasn't going to be in the wedding. I told her that she's being rude by not being in their weddings, especially since she's already excluded me from my sister's as well. We did not get married in a church, so we didn't have a wedding party (Hawaii on the beach at sunset... only us). Shouldn't family member be in a wedding party when asked?

My wife doesn't want to be a bride's maid in my siblings weddings. I tell her if she's asked she should. help
I would...You can be in the wedding and she doesn't have to...I would feel honored if mine ask me...The just ask me to preside over the ceremonies, I'm a minister LOL For once i would have liked just walking down the aisle not standing up and talking in front of people LOL
Reply:yes they should i is rude your right. Explain o her how rude i is and how much she must have hurt your brother and sister and she cant control u its your right to be your brothers best man why does she get to decide, how upset must your bro be right now that you ddo not want to be his best man thats horible. i know if my sister didnt want to be my maid of honour or brides maid id be upset i would feel like she doesnt care. dont be conroled by ur wife is she doesnt want to be in the wedding fair enough but she has no righ o ell u not be a part of your own brothers/ sisters wedding tell her that but in a ncer way LOL


good luck !
Reply:I think she should do it but she must not do it if she really doesn't want to, but it's rude to do that to your family in law. The other part is that she cannot prevent you from participating in your brother's wedding, if I only suggest that to my husband, he will send me to hell and so would I if he told me what to do or not to do concerning my family.
Reply:Only you know all the circumstances here, but...


As a married woman, I wouldn't feel comfortable being a bridesmaid either (no, it's not because of the name, just because life circumstances are different). It's totally fine that you be in the wedding party, as a brother. However, hopefully your wife will still be supportive, and even help out with planning or decorating, etc. - things family members do anyway.
Reply:I think your wife is quite right. She shouldn't be expected to act as a bridesmaid. It would be silly, particularly as she is married and older than the couple getting married. I understand why she is uncomfortable with that and so should your brother and his fiance. Just because you are best man doesn't mean she should have to take an active role as well, can't she just be a guest and show her support that way?
Reply:absolutely
Reply:No. Technically she is not family-only by marriage. However, if her reasoning is just because she will be hanging around a bunch of 20 year olds, that is pretty sad. Are you sure that is her real reason? Or is there something else she just doesn't want to tell you to spare your feelings? Hope this helps!!
Reply:yes she needs to suck it up!!! That is unexceptable. We all make sacrifices we don't really want to make with our in-laws. Being in a wedding, a positive thing should be the least of her worries. For someone who thinks she is older and wiser she is acting quite immature. She is not looking at the big picture...in twenty years the age gap will not seem so big and she will be happy she decided to be in the wedding. ugh!
Reply:Marriage or even relationships comes with sacrifice %26amp; Compromise, sometimes you do things you dont want to for the satisfaction of your spouse/significant other. I think it is extremely rude that she has declined a spot in your families wedding. What did she think she was getting when you got married? Yes, a Family comes along too. She wouldnt be hanging out with 20 year olds... Just standing next to them during the ceremony %26amp; Sitting with them at Dinner. She should Absolutly accept... especially since she excluded you from your sisters. It cant be all about her...
Reply:At 20-something, they are adults. Unless you and your wife are in your 50s, I fail to see how age is relevant. I think there is more to this story...
Reply:Well, I think that if you're asked to be in it you should. It's not your wife's decision to exclude or include you in your brother and sister's weddings. If she does not want to, than honestly that's just too bad for her. For our wedding I asked my sister-in-law to be one of my bridesmaids because we'd be family soon. She was thrilled to be in it, and even though she's older than us, she had a great time being with all the girls and doing wedding things.





If I were you, be in the weddings. Let her do what she wants to do. Respect her feellings about not wanting to be in it, but show her that just because she doesn't want to be in it, doesn't mean you have to exclude yourself to. Go and enjoy it! They're your family!
Reply:hmmmmm yea it does sound like your wife is being a bit selfish/immature with the whole situation... while i can understand that she's older and doesn't want to hang out with a bunch of younger girls, if your sister is asking her to be part than that's a big deal and she should be honored! she should just do it... your parents are paying for the attire?! thats great! and like you said, sounds like your sister has spent and done a lot for her that she should do something back for her! especially that she threw her a shower even though she wasn't included in your wedding... sounds like your wife owes her and she needs to be reminded of all this and be grateful that your sister wants to honor her!
Reply:Your wife has a right not to be in the wedding party if she doesn't want to, but she does NOT have the right to exclude you from being in the wedding party of your own sibling! Each one of you is an individual and should decide for yourself whether you want to be in the wedding party. If your heart is in it, do it, be your brother's best man. If she doesn't want to be in the party, fine, maybe she was only invited as a courtesy anyway.
Reply:No offense, but your wife is stupid. You better tell her to shape up, she sounds a little controlling!
Reply:I think her reasons are a bit odd.


There are reasons why you may want to decline being in the wedding (if she were pregnant or sick or you couldn't afford the costs), but her "lack of connection" and "age issues" are not good reasons.


She is further alienating your family who is trying to reach out to her and include her in their special day. They are sending her a message of "you are part of our family" and she is telling them she doesn't want to be in the family.
Reply:it's a honor to be selected in a wedding, if you have other plans that is one thing....but to turn it down for your wives reasons is JUST RUDE.





tell her to get over herself
Reply:First, let me clarify that if one does not want to stand up in someone's wedding, they most certainly don't have to, nor are they obligated to family or not.





However, when your wife decided not to stand up in your sister's wedding, she did not by any means have the right to not give you any say in whether you'd be standing up or not.





YOU can decide for yourself whether you want to be in your siblings weddings or not, but do NOT let your wife decide for you. If she doesn't want to be involved in the weddings, she doesn't have to be. If you want to be involved, be involved.





EDIT: It doesn't really matter who's been paying for what, how much your wife uses your sister's driveway, or who threw who a shower. If your wife doesn't want to be in the wedding, let it go. You're not going to be able to force her to do something she doesn't want to do. Go on and get it out of your head now that just because someone is asked to be in a wedding means they should do it, period. That's not how it works. Also, telling your wife that you can always get another spouse really wasn't called for at all, no matter how immature you think she's being.
Reply:I don't think it's a matter of family here, I think it's a matter of someone thought enough of you to include you in one of the most important days of their lives and they want you to support them in that. I do not think it's a requirement, and if you all aren't planning on attending the wedding, or can't afford the dress then I could understand saying no, but discriminating because of age is not a legit reason. I would be offended if a family member who I knew could fully well fill the spot didn't.
Reply:I definitely wouldn't force your wife to do anything she doesn't want to do. Your sister doesn't want a cranky bridesmaid that doesn't want to be there in her bridal party.


She was extremely rude and thoughtless to speak on your behalf in regards to your sisters wedding. I think you should talk with your sister, and I definitely think you should be your brothers best man. Your wife can stay out of it and just show up on the day of the wedding. Don't let your wife stop you from doing this...you'll regret it.
Reply:Why would you wnat your wife to be very uncomfortable in a situation she really isn't obligated to be party to? And whether you two had a wedding party or not has nothing to do with anyone else's wedding, family or not.





being asked to be a member of a bridal party is a coutesy, dear, NOT an automatic obligation....if you want to be the best man for your brother, that's great but it doesn't automatically mean your wife must be part of the bridal party as well...my goodness my ex was best man for his brother but I wasn't asked, nor would I have accepted....I was very pregnant at the time and would have been extremely uncomfortable in a bride's maid dress, besides looking very silly in it.





Besides, it sounds as if she hasn't even been asked, and chances are she won't be.....your brother's fiance probably has other girls in mind, not the wife of her soon to be husband's older brother.....why are you looking for an arguement over a situation than doesn't even exist?





Your wife, if asked, which I doubt, has the right to decline saying she much rather be a guest....and it's not a reflection on anyone...honesty is the best policy here.....and since the bride and your wife barely know each other if your wife declines no one will be miffed but you...Sweetie, get over it.
Reply:you know what if she doesn't want to be in it she has her personal reasons.i agree with that part but she can't tell you not to be in them. congrats to your sister and brother. god bless them on there special day and there futures. best of luck. try talking to your wife. god bless both of you as well.
Reply:I think you should tell your wife to go somewhere. These are your family. How can your wife tell you that you can not be in your sister or brother's wedding? If your wife doesn't want to be in them, then tell her that's fine, but do not let her tell you that you can't.
Reply:NOT if she/he doesn´t want to. It´s wrong to try and change her mind cuz there is this nifty little thing called FREE WILL!!!


And it´s HER choice to go or not and NOT yours and anyone elses