This is more of a statement to BRIDESMAIDS & MAID OF HONOR & advice for the BRIDES?

TO ALL BRIDESMAIDS AND MAID OF HONORS~


We love you and we chose you to be in our bridal party because we believed that your presence is valuable. We want you in our wedding because it is so very important that we are surrounded by people whom we love and who love us. Please do not take to heart every little personality snag we are having. This day is very important to us, and very expensive. It should be perfect. If we offend you because we don't want you to just pull an old pair of shoes out of your closet that are about the same color as your dress instead of spending the $50 on a new pair, we are sorry. If we offend you because we get mad that you can't pick up the pace in getting your fitting taken care of, sorry, but please...JUST GET THE FITTING DONE...we have other things in line waiting to be worried about, just go and make us happy!!! If we offend you because we are acting selfish...um sorry, its our wedding...we all deserve to be a little selfish right now.

This is more of a statement to BRIDESMAIDS %26amp; MAID OF HONOR %26amp; advice for the BRIDES?
Lindsay, Suz and Blunt have said it all far more eloquently than I could.





As I read your statement, my initial thought was "boy, am I glad I'm not in THAT wedding."





Seriously, just because they're bridesmaids, doesn't mean you can take the word "maid" literally. If you had asked me to be in your wedding and then began behaving like that, not only would I bow out, I'd also seriously reconsider our friendship.





ETA: After reading your additional details, again, I stand by my answer.





I was married three years ago. I had eight bridesmaids. They were wonderful. They took care of all their "responsibilities" - seriously, does it matter WHEN the dress is fitted, as long as it's fitted by the day of the wedding? Really? Your guests aren't keeping score. I didn't demand a damn thing from them, and guess what? It all got done, it all came together, my wedding went off without a hitch. You know what else? I was still the bride, I still got to be "the princess" and my day was still special. You really do need to get over yourself.





And in all sincerity, I really hope your bridesmaids remain friends with you after your wedding.
Reply:Hmm is this called Yahoo Statements? Nope. YahooAnswers... yep.





AND as a bride I don't think we should expect our bridesmaids (who are our family and close friends) to shell out 50 bucks in order to get a pair of dyed lavender shoes, they will never wear again.





NO ONE, not even a bride should use their wedding day as an excuse to be bossy, selfish, mean, demanding, rude, etc.





AND I didn't select my bridesmaids as a workforce for my wedding. I'm not expecting them to assist in any "duties" that some girls think go along with being a bridesmaid. If they insist on helping with something, by all means I will let them. But under no circumstances will I expect them to address envelopes or pick up my dress from the shop.





I want them to show up the day of and join me in a morning of pampering before they stand next to me while I take my vows. Plain and simple.





So please... save your "statements" for those who they are intended.


Good luck.





EDIT:: If you didn't want opinions this isn't the place to post this. It isn't the place to post this in the first place actually. And you should have expected this kind of backlash, if you don't want to hear it, don't post your opinion. This is an OPEN FORUM.
Reply:I agree with the posters who said that it sounds like you expect your bridesmaids to be your bridal slaves. And to say that you deserve to be a little selfish right now? Well, it sounds like you are being way more than a little selfish. These girls are your friends. Have you considered the idea that they may never talk to you again after your wedding is over?


Get over yourself.
Reply:Wow! We chose our attendants because we wanted them to be there to support us because we are close to them, and care for them. We did NOT choose them because we needed HELP, nor did we expect them to WORK. That's just crazy! Their presence was what we wanted.


And we were not a selfish couple, nor should any mature couple getting married be that way - it's inexcusable to even think that way. No one "deserves" to be selfish.


A wedding is a solemn event, and a celebration to be shared with family and friends.


Good luck to you, and especially to your bridal party.
Reply:my wedding is probably going to be in a park..so it will be a day in the park...





my advice would to you to be understanding that your wedding is not their TOP priority.. people have lives and other stuff to do.. so don't being going all bridezilla..





:)
Reply:Funny, I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding where it seems to be the opposite of this. I keep asking %26amp; asking to help, as I've gone through the process and know how stressful it is, but the bride doesn't seem to want to do anything.





Oh, and a LITTLE selfish is ok, but don't go overboard. If the shoes will be covered by the dress and no one will see them... don't make them buy new shoes if they have some that are perfectly fine. Bridesmaids spend plenty of time %26amp; money as it is. If the dresses are short %26amp; will be seen, then that's a different story and would be understandable to buy a new pair.
Reply:lindseysays...well said!





I agree with lindsey, your wedding party should not be your workforce and noone is on the obligation to stop their personal life and make your wedding the main focus of their life. That's is an unrealistic expectation. For aperson that has a full time job, bill to pay, lawn to mow, children to take care off, dentist appoitments, school enrollments etc. getting a fitting is not on top of the list. 3 months out is plenty of time and having it done a year in advance in ridiculous. $50 dollar shooes??? Gimme a break. $50 dollars is a lot of money for ugly, useless robings eggs satin 1 inch heels. If someone is not willing to pay $50 it's because you have bad taste and the shoes are not worth the money. Do not blame others for your lack of style and consideration.





Your BM are not your unpaid slaves that you can boss around, critize and bark your orders. Those are YOUR friends and your wedding is when you show your manners.





Be a lady... well, I guess it's too late for you to do that





Good luck
Reply:wow...high expectations from people who are your friends...yours is one wedding I wouldnt want to be in. I had very little expectations from my MOH...and why? because its MY wedding...not hers so why should I expect her to rearrange her life just for me. she was great and there were no fights between us or anything becuase I didnt expect my day to be perfect. your just setting yourself up for disappointment if you think its going to be...things go wrong...thats life. so just calm down and chill out...being a bridezilla is not an admirable quality.





if you dont want people's opinions then dont come on here and make stupid, spoiled little brat statements on a place designed to ask questions. when your mature enough to realize your not Barbie living in a dream world then maybe you should go ahead and get married. until then I suggest you go back to mommy and daddy until your ready to grow the heck up. god!...people like you make me sick and help me understand why they is so much hate in this world. get over yourself! if you were my friend I'd probably slap the sh*t out of you just for baing such an idiot...you dont know how stupid you actaully sound.
Reply:Brides, pay for your bridesmaids dresses and shoes and then you won't have to worry about them not buying them. Brides, remember these are your friends, not your staff. Brides, chill out!!!!!
Reply:I was just in a wedding where I kept asking to help and the bride really never asked me to do anything. I am also a recent bride and did not really want my bridesmaids to help too much, they do have their own lives and some of them need their money for bills instead of shoes for my wedding. I also did not ask anybody to help me if I felt as though it would be a burden to them. I did alot of stuff by myself or with the help of my sister. I don't think I've ever felt the way you are feeling although I guess I can see where you are coming from. Just remember that if you get too cranky your bridesmaids are not gonna be too happy with you or for you on the day of your wedding.
Reply:You write that you chose these bridesmaids because you want to be surrounded by people you love who love you too. Then you as the bride should be willing to treat them with love in return. You need to treat them with love, not selfishness.





So they cannot afford the expensive shoes you want. Big deal. No one will be examining their feet anyway. Is it more important to you to have your friend by your side? Or more important to you that she wears the perfect expensive shoe?





And yes, even though you are marrying your bridesmaids still have their own lives. They did not agree to be your bridal slaves. They still have jobs and families and other responsibilities. They will get to the fittings and the alterations. Maybe not as fast as you would like, but they will get there.





My advice would be to really think about these friendships and how much you value them. Stop stressing over silly minutiae. Think about the people, and how much you love them.





And remember, you don't want to lose these friendships or be considered a bridezilla.
Reply:UM MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT THIS INTO AN EMAIL FOR YOUR FRIENDS
Reply:i am in the planning process of my wedding and have only one bridesmaid so i could fit her dress shoes and accessories in to my budget because i know i have expensive taste
Reply:PRINCESS!!!
Reply:I agree with you on just about everything. However, I just have never understood the whole "it's YOUR wedding, do what YOU want" thing when it comes to some of the more outrageous ideas I've seen here and in person. Many brides today are under the misconception that tradition should be completely thrown out the window and etiquette is something of the past because they want to be different and make their wedding as memorable as possible. That's all well and good, but this isn't an episode of My Super Sweet 16. Themes are for parties. Not weddings. I've seen so many brides who only worried about what THEY wanted and it left their guests frowning all day. If some of these brides today heard some of the things people HONESTLY thought of these "new age" weddings, they would break out into tears. Yes, the wedding day is all about the bride, but some rules do need to be followed every once in a while. Grandma doesn't want to see the bridesmaids dancing down the aisle, people!
Reply:While I understand everything that you are saying, you have to realize that you chose your bridesmaids because you love them and believe their prescense if valuable...NOT because they have tons of money to spend...so expecting them to shell out $50 on shoes they'll wear once in addition to the gown, your bridal shower and every other little thing is ridiculous. If they have the money, fine...but not everyone does. Just because YOUR day is expensive doesn't mean that all of your bridesmaids have money to shell out to please you. They didn't choose for YOU to have an expensive wedding, they chose to say yes when you asked them to be there for you on your special day.





I can understand about the fittings and of course don't ask lazy people, but you also have to understand that the only person obsessing about your wedding is YOU...they want to help and be there, but this day isn't nearly as important to them as to you, so sometimes all it takes is a "hey, can you make sure you get your fitting done this week?" because their lives don't revolve around your wedding.





And by the way, there is never a good reason to act selfish, ESPECIALLY to your best friends...even if it because of your wedding.





I'm married and I never once treated my bridesmaids wrong...and we had problems, but I didn't expect them to shell out tons of money for things, and I definatly didn't expect them to deal with me being selfish. They were there to share in my special day, not put up with me.
Reply:You go girl!! I have a few maids that are doing that and don't want to lift a finger to help. If i could change my mind about them being in the party, i would. I hope you told your maids how you feel because i intend to. I'm sure you're gonna get alot of heat from this for being a bridezilla but stick to your guns!! Good Luck








I marry my sweetie October 20, 07
Reply:Wow. I just got married in June and I'm pretty sure that I could have had that speech! My maid of honor was totally unhelpful. She is my best friend but she complained about EVERYTHING: her hair, her dress...EVERYTHING. Finally I was like "I am so busy stressing over everything else that I really don't want to stress out over you!" So I agree totally with what you say. Go girl!