Bad Brides Maid steals Matron of Honor?

My friend that I have know since Pre-K is getting married in August 08. She asked me to be her maid of honor. Another friend, Kim has know myself and the bride since 2nd grade asked why I was choosen before her, and the bride (never wants to hurt anyone's feelings) told her that she couldn't choose so it was me because she has know me longer and I am older. I have a child and I do not spend as much time with either of the girls, but do remain very close to them both, and have been actively helping plan the wedding. This past weekend I was at the brides house and she said she needed to talk to me. Bride mentioned to Kim that I would be wearing a different color dress, Kim asked why I was still the maid of honor and why the bride hadn't changed her mind because she (Kim) was spending more time with her, when the bride repeated her reasoning Kim started crying. I love my friend to death, but she has a history of letting people walk all over her.

Bad Brides Maid steals Matron of Honor?
um, so i do not know the question, but the situation sounds RUDO! you do not try to butter up the bride into bumping you up into a "better position". really, it is an honor to be IN a wedding and someone has to be picked to be at THE TOP or whatever. tell your friend that you support her decision either way and that you don't mind getting demoted if that saves her fighting or grief. you know the truth in your heart, just help her have a good day.





btw, i would not PROMOTE someone who cried, sounds to me like they are more worried about themselves than my wedding.





**okay, back that pony up....she got her way and wants to change the colors!??! no! bridesmaids should happily wear the colors their brides give them! the only time they should protest is when the outfit CLEARLY does not look good on them. but if it's a color issue, she needs to learn to deal. we all have colors that look "the best" on us and it is hard to go by complexions and crap when planning a big to do. tell your friend she has been walked on enough and it is high time to stand her ground.
Reply:Comfort the bride, this poor girl is a doormat and a friend like Kim will prey on a girl like this to feed her own ego. Have dinner with the bride and talk to her about the situation. Would she just be happier giving in? Or would she say something to Kim if she had the guts? She obviously choose you originally because she values your opinion and your friendship. Even though you are not the matron of honor you can still help her figure this situation out.





With the brides permission though, perhaps it's time to tell Kim what's what! She clearly needs to be put in her place. Call her out on it. Present the evidence and ask her who's wedding this is anyways. When confronted out right she may realize what a royal pain in the *** she has been. Remain calm but definitely put her in her place. Is she married? She might be living vicariously though the bride. No matter what the situation may be, Kim is not being a great firend and needs to know it.





Good luck and best wishes.
Reply:i say cause a scene. If your friend is not going to stand up for herself then you need to help.
Reply:that is completely unacceptable for kim to act like that, throwing a big hissy fit as if she were a child. REDICULOUS. if she were my bridesmaid, i would have kicked her @ss to the curb if she ever suggested such a thing, that was totally out of line. that's too bad the bride doesn't have a spine of her own, and even worse that kim knows this fact and is taking advantage of it. that being said, ultimately it's the bride's decision on who plays what role, and whatever she decides, you should stand by her and support her, because that's what friends are supposed to do. however, if i were in your shoes, i would approach kim directly and tell her exactly how inappropriate it was for her to do all this scheming and guilt tripping the bride like that, and that she's a horrible friend for doing so.
Reply:sheesh Kim needs to grow up and stop being so childish! She is acting as though its her wedding but it's not, it's your other friends. I agree with the others that you and the bride need to confront her and let her know (respectfully) that it is her wedding and what she says goes.


I know the bride doesn't want to do that, but it's the only way to prevent Kim from turning into a maidzilla. It is not her decision of who is the maid of honor, what dress she wears, etc. She needs to be told that either she stop interfering with the bride's plans and let the bride plan her own wedding, or not be a bridesmaid. I feel really sorry for the bride that sucha b**** of a so-called friend is trying to mamipulate her this way. Good luck to you both.
Reply:You can only help your friend if she asked for your help. Is she happy with her decision to have this other girl as MOH? Is she happy with switching the dresses? If so, there is nothing more you can do.





If she wants your help, then you can suggest that she tell "Kim" that she is either in the wedding as a bridesmaid, or not at all. End of story.
Reply:Well I think we can all see why the bride chose you in the first place!





I agree that you should not let Kim walk over you or the bride, make sure the bride knows you support her and that she should have things HER way not Kim's way!! (And haveing you back her up should help!)





Kim sounds like a spoiled brat! What about mentioning to your friend of the possibility of making you both the maid of Honor, since both of you are special to her and both of you seem to be doing a lot to help her, there are lots of weddings that have 2.





It's just a thought, the bride should do what she truly wants not just what she think will make peace!! Tell her to stand up for herself or she is going to be miserable!!
Reply:well your friend..the bride doesnt want to say anything and you dont want to make a scene. hmm..if no one wants to say anything to anybody then nothing will be done.





Kim sure isnt worried about stepping on any toes and letting herself be heard. She will take the reigns of this wedding if you let her. Why would you feel bad about telling her that she's wrong to do all these things. Sometimes ppl need to be put in their place.





It seems you AND the bride are pushovers. and if you dont speak up Kim is going to have her way.
Reply:Well I think you both need to confront Kim about this and ask why she is acting like such a child. The Bride needs to remind her that she is lucky to even be in the wedding. If the Bride doesn't have back bone then the maid of honor does need to step up and help her. Good luck
Reply:More details? What is the question...?





EDIT*** I agree with Katie. She picked you for a reason. Help her out since you already know she has a tendancy to let people walk all over her.
Reply:This situation truly sounds like a group of 12 year old girls - are you sure this bride is old enough to get married?
Reply:Make sure you know FOR SURE how the Bride feels (b/c you %26amp; Kim are obviously getting 2 different stories). Then schedule a meeting for all three of you. Let the bride start to speak her mind and when she starts to back down to Kim, then you, her true friend, should step in and be her voice %26amp; backbone. Good Luck!
Reply:It sounds like this other friend is not being a real friend at all. For her to keep pressuring the bride to make HER the maid of honor is more than tacky - it's really rude.





I would talk to my friend and tell her she needs to stand up for herself. If she can't do that, then I would offer to step down as MOH and just be a BM so the other girl can have her way. You wouldn't be doing it for the other girl but rather for your friend, the bride. It's not fair but it would be a nice thing to do for her. That way she doesn't have to worry about this girl making her feel bad and YOU look like the hero to her.

Crooked Teeth