How do I stop from becoming a "Live-in-Maid" everytime I visit my Dad?

Hi, I'm a 27 year old single woman, no kids.





Every summer, my Dad %26amp; Stepmom %26amp; two 17 year old twin brothers invite me to visit them for a few weeks. (I'm a school secretary with summers off). We get along GREAT.





The only problem is--they're all a bunch of SLOBS; and when I visit them, I become a "Live in Maid". They expect me to do everyone's laundry daily (washing %26amp; folding)-- and get offended if I dont want to. I also find myself washing a sink full of dishes twice a day, cleaning bathrooms, and vacuuming daily. Last summer, I got so tired of cleaning %26amp; cleaning that I went home early.





They've begged me to visit them--and I'll be going there in 2 weeks %26amp; staying 4 weeks. I dread the amount of housework I'll have to do!!


I dont mind cleaning up from time to time--but I feel like I'm cleaning up for an entire army unit.


HOW DO I EXPLAIN THAT I'M TIRED OF CLEANING UP AFTER THEM? AM I BEING UNREASONABLE?





I live my myself so I'm not used to cleaning for SO MANY people

How do I stop from becoming a "Live-in-Maid" everytime I visit my Dad?
You might need to peacefully sit down with them and tell them how you feel. You are not being unreasonable. Maybe you need to limit your visit to 2 days %26amp; go home, then 2 days later. YOu said they "expect" you to do the work, do they ask ? Or have you always just "done it" every time you visit ? You could say I just want to visit not clean the house, or get them to help you. That would probably would be the best thing. Get the twins to vaccuum %26amp; do dishes, step mom to help seperating clothes. Say "come on guys, help me do the dishes" Tell step mom or dad, please vaccuum while I fold clothes. You are in a fragile situation, you could be the bad person here, but it is your dad,,
Reply:They are probably inviting you over to clean their house again. This is your vacation and you should be enjoying yourself and relaxing. I can see helping out around the house while you are staying there, but to do everything is just not the way it should be. My advice to you is either tell them exactly how you feel everytime you come to visit and you won't be doing any of the cleaning until you see them chipping in. If you don't want to confront them, then I would cut the visit short or stay in a hotel. They are just lazy and have gotten used to you doing the housework when you come to visit. Another thing you can do is start deligating chores to each of them. Say okay I will clean the kitchen but you have to clean the living room, bathrooms and laundry. Everyone in that house is old enough to pull thier weight and if everyone keeps accomodating them and not putting thier foot down, than they will never change. If they continue to get offended when you refuse to be their maid, just don't go and visit and they will get the point.
Reply:I'm wondering what their intent is in having you come stay with them...seeing you, or getting a clean house!





Let me assure you that since you've set the precedent from previous visits, this one will be no different. They are expecting you to clean a LOT. So, you can either call them now and have a frank discussion about what you are and are not willing to do while you're there and get that topic squared away prior to the visit, or you can skip the discussion, go visit them and NOT clean outside of what you're willing to do. If I were you, I would discuss it NOW and get it out of the way. But you need to decide, and take charge of this situation, because YOU have the power to fix this problem.
Reply:well, maybe visit for just a week and don't do the chores. just clean up after yourself. and when they say things just say i cleaned up after myself. a visit to family shouldn't be spent cleaning. if that doesn't work, stay at a hotel
Reply:Tell them that this is your vacation and you are not the maid. If you continue to clean up after them they will continue to expect it. If they don't like it, then leave. You don't have to leave town, just go to a hotel. Then you can visit with them on your own terms.


You are an adult and should be treated as an adult, not as a child. Please just be direct with them.
Reply:learn how to say no~ theres no harm in putting ur foot down. let them know last summer was not what u expected and if ur staying there then they should have no expectation for u to clean up after them. state this before u come so they dont take u for granted and try to walk all over you. i suggest you talk before u go there and if u feel their not getting ur point then limit ur stay to a hotel or only for a short time.
Reply:Tell them ahead of time that you will only be cleanign up after yourself and maybe help every now and then with regular chores, but you are not going to come if they expect you to be the maid like every other year. You must be honest with them. If they get mad, then don't go. This is your opportunity to spend time with your family and it is your vacation is it not. Why go if you are going to be miserable and come home early?
Reply:Might I suggest you think about what the problem really is. The problem isn't how to explain anything to them. You've apparently explained you don't feel like being the maid and they didn't hear you, right? The problem isn't HOW to tell them. The problem is how to tell them so they will hear you. The answer to THAT probably is that they won't believe anything you say because you've been their patsy (maid) before and that's the pattern. there is no way to not be a maid without not being a maid. talk isn't going to mean much. Have you asked about how they think about things to conclude that you should clean up their house? Failing some frank words from you about what you'll do and not do, I'd go for a week and go home for two, go for a week and go home and not be their maid in that one week. There is only one person in the whole wide world who can keep them from taking advantage of you and you're living with her.
Reply:That is your fault for allowing them to dictate to you. You have the option to either stay at a hotel or with them. If you stay with them, just don't clean and if they ask you to, tell them you will do it for a fee. They are just using you and trying to make you feel guilty. You are not obliged to do the housework as you are a 'guest'.





Hey, if they want to make you clean, yuo can at least MAKE THEM PAY. Tell them you need to make extra money so if they need cleaning or cooking etc, they can pay you to do it and make sure you tell them when you arrive. Perhaps they will think twice about making you do the housework. Charge them $15 -20 an hour.
Reply:Instead of living with them try staying in a hotel near by instead of living with them. Or maybe plan atrip somewhere else so you don't have to stay with them for the summer
Reply:no you are not being unresonable i mean its rude for them to ask you to do that much i mean them asking you to pick after yourself is resonable but them?? thats not i would just write them an email saying that you dont really want to come down this summer because you love them but dont think its right that all the housework gets shoved on you considering they invited you and your not living there your a guest you have no problem picking up after yourself but dont want to always be cleaning up after them!! they might notice after you tell them how you feel!! so tell them its better they know this
Reply:Let me get this straight, they expect you to do their laundry? They actually ask you to clean the dishes and do the laundry? SHAME ON THEM. When you go visit someone, even if they are family, it's expected to pitch in once in a while, say help with dishes or offer to help with dishes, and it's expected to clean up after your own mess. Beyond that, it's just nuts....are you sure that you aren't DRIVEN to clean because you can't stand the mess? Is it because they've asked you to clean, or is it because you can't live with the chaos? Regardless, I suggest you do minimum cleaning. Keep your stuff neat, offer to help with dinner or dinner dishes, and do your own laundry. Don't do the rest. If they ask you to do laundry and clean the house, say "OK" but don't do it. When they come home and ask you why it's not done, tell them you meant to do it but ran out of time. REPEAT this until they realize you aren't their maid.
Reply:If you have the money I would stay in a motel for now and on. Can you simple say this is my vacation and I am only coming up to relax not to clean and so forth.





If you offer to make dinner say............I am making dinner tonight who is going to do the dishes.





Good luck I feel for you! Do you have friends you can stay with for part of the time?
Reply:If they can clean when you're not around, then what's stopping them from doing the same when you are visiting? They are pushing this on you, and you are caving in to their desires.





When you go, just clean up your own messes and leave theirs where they left it. If they don't have any clean clothes or clean dishes, that's not your fault. Just leave the mess and don't say a word. When they confront you, say this: "I came here on my vacation to visit you. I didn't come here to be a maid. If you want me to cook and clean up after you, then pay me to do it. Otherwise, clean up after yourselves. You did it before I came, so what's the problem with you doing it now?"

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