Do all other stay home moms have a maid or housekeeper?

My wife and I have a 3 year old, and she is a stay home mom. She is saying now that stays home to look after our child, not to do housework, and she is demanding that I pay to hire a maid or a housekeeper. But we're not rich we just get by ok. I always thought a stay home mom should do some of the work, I work from 7am to 8pm most days and every day I do laundry, wash dishes and get groceries, and I clean the house and do yardwork on weekends. Apart from what I do my wife only cooks some meals.


Am I being unreasonable, or do I really need to hire a maid, because I just don't see how we can afford it?

Do all other stay home moms have a maid or housekeeper?
I don't have a maid. I have two boys, ages one and two. She is lazy!
Reply:you are not being unreasonable. i think your wife has become very lazy! i have been stay at home mom all my life as of 35 years ago! i never expected to hire a maid! i would rather do things myself. and for you to work full time and come home and do laundry is just absolutely uncalled for in my book!! about the only thing may you should be doing and i see that you are is the yard work!! cleaning house cooking laundry and dishes should be up to your wife. that is what a wife mother and homemaker does. it is a very tough job but i sure did it with babies 18 months apart!! your wife is very wrong sir and i cant bleieve she is doing this to you!! i think she has just become very lazy since giving birth!!
Reply:personally, i agree that the major responsibility of a sahm is taking care of the kids, and that housework comes second. i can tell you that when one of my kids was born preemie and was still at the hospital and i had other kids to care for i had really serious fantasies about having a maid. honestly, with four kids who pretty much take up every second, i still have such fantasies. but no, i don't have a maid (i do, however, have a roomba -- a robotic vacuum cleaner -- which is my favorite possession because the time it spends vacuuming is time i can spend actually doing things with my kids).





if somebody wants a maid so they can sit on the couch, that's lazy. if they want a maid so they can spend their time with their child, that's reasonable -- just perhaps not affordable. i agree with whoever said your wife is probably just feeling overwhelmed. i'd have a discussion about what level of cleanliness is really needed ... if you're doing the laundry, dishes, and shopping, plus cleaning on the weekend there really isn't that much else that critically needs to be done on a daily basis beyond picking up toys, vacuuming the really messy spots, and wiping down the kitchen counters. if the beds aren't made, who cares? if she feels like she needs to dust and scrub the bathroom floors and vacuum the entire house every day, maybe you could let her know that you're okay with that happening on the weekends?
Reply:OMG, where can I find a guy like you? I of course wouldn't ask for a maid, but being a stay at home mom and doing all the chores, sounds appealing.


Tell her if she keeps up the b!tching she'll be a single mom. She can work 40+ hours a week, have to put your child in daycare to be cared for by strangers, do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, mean while trying to maintain a budget and if lucky be able to find time for something more than a 10 minute shower in the a.m.
Reply:She is lazy, that is what a stay at home Mom is suppose to do, take care of the kids, house, bills and husband!!! I stay at home and love it, but i do all the stuff i am suppose to do as a wife and a mommy!!!
Reply:I think you are being reasonable unless you have a special needs child.
Reply:Only in my dreams did I have a maid or housekeeper, and I agree with the shes lazy answer. She should be doing the house work. I would have loved to just take care of my children and the house. I did that and worked part time.
Reply:well taking care of children is time consuming and you want to do right but your child you should still be able to take care of the house also I was a stay at home mom with four young children and maintain the house and did the shopping not saying it was perfect all the time but my husband di d not do anything but work and come home tell her to come up with a schedule and get off her *** and do what needs doing
Reply:I'm a SAHM, ha - no maid! However, I'm not a housekeeper first, I'm a MOM FIRST. Hubby still helps with cleaning.
Reply:I would love a maid or mothers helper, I'm a stay-at-home mom, and my husband won't let me get one. There are a few differences to your wife though...





We have 3 children (10, 3 and 1) and I'm pregnant with our 4th child. I drive the 10-year-old to a special school in downtown Chicago that is 8 miles away in the loop for a gifted program. I also work from home doing web design and online marketing. I'm hoping to start a freelance webdesign company this year.





My husband works construction, so he's too tired to do much - although he does do the laundry on Sunday. He doesn't even have time to go to the bank, so I do that for him (he does alot of overtime). To save money (and be healthier and have better tasting food) I cook everything from scratch every night. I usually go shopping for fresh vegetables or meats on a daily basis.





With the little ones, its necessary to mop daily and vacuum the rugs several times a day. We have a 40-gallon saltwater aquarium that I maintain, which is also work. I probably spend 2-3 concentrated hours a day on housework, 2-3 hours a day in traffic, and am solely responsible for helping our son with his homework, doing diaper changes, getting the kids dressed, etc... I also try to get in atleast 5 hours a day work on my websites (which are starting to bring in cash after 2 years now - yippee!)





I would love help, but I don't get it. And somehow I manage (although a mothers helper would be much appreciated!). Your wife sounds like she's got it kind of easy....





To be honest, I don't know any other mothers who have a cleaning service even occassionally.
Reply:you are not being unreasonable. Your wife needs to step up and do the housework. She will also be teaching your child responsibility as she can show him how to do things. This is how they learn. A stay at home mom with one child has no excuse and you are helping so she needs to step up and pitch in also. Sometimes staying at home gets old and you feel like you have nothing to look forward to. I would suggest paying a sitter one night a week or day so she can get things done that may be difficult to tend to with the child or to just get out of the house and go take a class or something. Don't waste your money on a maid. Otherwise she needs to go to work to pay for that maid.
Reply:i think you need to have a word with your wife. it is unfair to you to have to do this amount of work. i can imagine its peobably hard to watch after a child but kids sleep for most of the day so tell her to try and do more
Reply:I'm a SAHM and I don't have a maid, nor do I see why we need one. Sure, my days are hectic... I take care of a 11 mo. old and a (almost) 3 yr. old. But I still manage to do laundry, housework, meals, and school work (I'm taking online college courses). My husband is active duty military, thus he works long hours as well. He doesn't have to do anything around here. Sometimes on the weekends, he'll help me straighten up around the house but that's it. I feel that he is providing for me and giving me the opportunity to stay home with our children. It is only fair to do everything around that house -- that's my "job".





I think you wife needs to realize how hard you work and needs to step up (no offense) and do some more work. Afterall, a marriage/family should be 50/50. Good luck!
Reply:at the risk of angering your wife - no, we don't all have housekeepers. In fact a lot of us have husbands that do very little of the general housework. I think she's very lucky to have someone doing as much as it sounds like you're doing. However - my husband is not appalled to have to trip his way down the hall when he comes home because I haven't quite made it in there to pick up all that the kids have deposited! Does she want a maid to keep the house to her standards or yours? I'd try a chore list first - to be divided as you both agree is reasonable.
Reply:Well it seems to be that she also wears the pants. I think you need to sit her down and explain to her that staying home is also a job, if she doesn't accept some of the household responsibilities then she should go out and get a full-time job. You are way to nice.
Reply:Sir...your wife is lazy. I'm a stay at home mom and I do all of the work at home AND TAKE CARE OF FOUR KIDS (ages 17, 11, 9 and 4.) My husband helps me out on the weekends too - or when I need his help after work. You don't need a house keeper. Maybe to make it more worth her while you can give her $ out of your pay as a token of appreciation. Tell her that the money is just for her - something extra to spend on herself. This MIGHT make her feel better.


You're not being unreasonable. If you are financially supporting the house then why can't she just keep the house tidy and cook for the three of you while you're out making money to pay the bills - some of which I'm sure are her bills too. Man...I can't believe that you'd even consider a maid/housekeeper. She needs to quit being lazy and do her fair share of work. You're working around the house on the weekends shows that you are willing to help her out. Ask her why she feels that she has to contribute absolutely nothing? Caring for a child is work, but it does not mean that you can get absolutely no work done at all. I know, I do all of the work at home and take care of my kids and my husband. I hope that things turn around for you.
Reply:wow, and i cant even get mine to pick up his dirty socks!! your wife is LAZY. shes a housewife, housewives take care of the HOUSE. tell her if she wants a housekeeper to get her butt out there, and get a job to pay for it. Id put my foot down about her not doing anything in the house either.
Reply:Your wife can do it if she budgets her time. Just make sure she gets time to herself because raising a child is hard work. She is just feeling overwhelmed.
Reply:Honey you need to tell your wife to grow up because I am 7 and a half months pregnant work a 40 hour a week job and cook, clean our home, do the laundry, do the grocery shopping and spend every waking moment with our kids. I do all of this while my husband works and outside of work he only takes the garbage out and plays video games so she needs a dang reality check or to grow up one or the other!
Reply:no no.. she should be doing the housework.
Reply:Sorry to say but your wife is being unreasonable she has only one child to look after and wants a maid . Sure in a perfect world every stay at home mother would have a maid but if you cannot afford it then no is the answer.I have 4 kids and would love if at the end of the day everything would be picked up and sparky clean, but that is not reality . Your wife needs to step up and contribute the child is not awake 24 hours a day . She could make a list of the most important things to do first and then pick a room and clean it .Good luck .
Reply:Taking care of a new baby is a 24/7 job. If you can afford to do so hiring someone to come in and help out with the housekeeping would be a nice gesture. But it sounds like money is tight for you guys and by what you say you're doing more than your share. So I would say yes she is being unreasonable.
Reply:part of being a mum is doing the housework, i asked a question this morning as my son was having a quick nap thought id pop on before i started on housework, and i asked if many other stay at home mums do that, and the response is yes, now at 3 the child can happily and safely play in her room for half an hour while housework is done, once you get into takes 10mins, its easy to keep on top of it, just pure laziness to want a maid.
Reply:She is being unreasonable unless there are extenuating circumstances. (sick child, personal health issues). Consider that there were stay at home moms who kept immaculate houses for decades!!





If it becomes a major issue then consider a housecleaner to come in once a month or every other month.





Good Luck
Reply:your wife is just lazy. i have 3 children i not only look after them, i also cook, do house work AND visit gym every day to keep my butt in shape for my perfect husband. he gets very big salary, but i wouldn't want to bring some strange woman into my hosue snooping around in my underwear while i am gone!
Reply:Oh please!!!! She's lazy!!!
Reply:My husband hired a housekeeper for me but they can run you up the roof in money so my advice would to only hire a maid/housekeeper if you can afford it or tell her to get a job to pay for the maid/housekeeper. Good luck
Reply:If you can't afford it, don't hire a maid. I have been a SAHM for 17 years now (though I do have a part time business I run from home). We have hired a maid in the past few years because we can afford it and it helps me have more time with my business, but when we were younger and could not have afforded it, I did ALL the laundry, cleaning and cooking.





Your wife doesn't seem to be looking at the situation realistically. Staying home with a 3 year old is a lot of work. But a 3 year old is old enough to learn how to help mommy get the chores done and they can do a lot of it together. In fact, at that age, kids WANT to help. She should take advantage of it.
Reply:No way! I am a (mostly) stay at home mom. Being a mom isn't easy. My daugher is also 3 and I get her to help me with some of the chores. She loves it. My husband helps and that makes things easier. I also run all the errands and cook all the dinners. Tell her that you're not hiring a maid and that she needs to help more. Show her that preschoolers think that chores are fun.
Reply:Being a stay at home mom at one point, with two children 2 and 4. I never let my husband come home to an unclean home or no dinner on the table. My job when I was a stay at home mom was not just to tend to our children, give me bonding time, take care of our home and get errands run. No one in their right mind can expect someone who works 12 hours or more (especially as you do and as my husband did) to come home, clean and cook. She is just flat out lazy, once you tell her that you need her to go back to work to help afford the bills, then she will have excuses.


Good luck, and you are an idiot if you hire a damn maid to clean while she sits in the same damn house on her ***.
Reply:the whole point of a stay home mom is to stay home and clean and make their husbands a sandwich