Shouldn't I be her maid of honor?

My best friend, who I have been friends with since we were 4 years old, practically joined at the hip, and should have been sisters instead of friends, told me she was going to have one of her sisters be her maid of honor in her wedding instead of me. I understand that her sister takes priority over me, but the fact is, her sister was adopted from China when my best friend was like 14. She hardly even got to know her before she was off to college. I think that we are ten times closer than her and her adopted sister will ever be. I just don't understand how someone she's only known for about 7 years (and MUCH younger than her) can take priority over someone who has been there for her practically her whole life (me!). Am I totally over reacting and just let it go, or do I have a right to be upset? This actually really hurts my feelings. What should I do about it??

Shouldn't I be her maid of honor?
Perhaps her parents have pushed the issue with her? I would never chose my siblings over my best friend. If it hurts your feelings and you are upset, talk to her. There is no sense in you holding your feelings in and only feeling more hurt. Be careful how you approach it. Maybe say you were thinking about your "someday" wedding and wondering how she picked the people in her bridal partry... Or just put the whole thing behind you and strive to be the best friend you can be, because she is going to need a lot of help and support planning the wedding.
Reply:you do have the right to be upset...but also need to let it go...even tho you feel she is the closest thing to a sister...it is not....it is only "normal" for a person to choose her sister to be the maid of honor..morally correct so to speak..know in your heart of hearts...it is you....but you have to do what you have to do...totally paticipate in all of the events that follow...you know in the long run it is you that she will be greatful for...hold your head high...stop feeling humbug about it...and know that no matter what adopted or not...it is always family first...but you are who she depends on....chin up girly
Reply:Yes, you are overreacting. It is pretty selfish to say you are more important than her sister, adopted or not.
Reply:Can't blame you for feeling hurt by it.





But don't think you have a "right" to be the maid of honor. It's not your decision to make, it's not your wedding. As was mentioned, the decision may have been alot more complicated than you think, and maybe it was a way for her to include her sister as "family" instead of an adopted outsider. So try not to take it personally.





The maid of honor has lots of duties and jobs to do for the wedding, it's not just sitting up there at the head table. So consider yourself saved from all the headaches that come with bitchy stressed out brides.
Reply:dont be upset. maid of honor usually goes to a close family member, and it is the brides choice. besides, she is doing you a huge favor, it is alot of work and a pain in the behind
Reply:It's very understandable that you're disappointed, but the fact of the matter is ... it's her wedding... her decision. You have a right to be upset, but you don't have any right saying or doing anything about it. It would upset your friend and wouldn't change anything. Ultimately it's her decision and you're just going to have to deal with it.
Reply:Not necessarily, and you do nothing about this.


Family comes first, period.


Hopefully you will see it in your heart to support your friend, regardless.
Reply:Well it's her choice. Sorry!


People normally have family as Bridesmaids. I wouldnt feel too bad. Maybe they became really close while she was and just never brought it up while you were around.
Reply:Yes, you and any other person in that situation would be upset. However, your friend might want her wedding to be a time of bonding between them, after all, a wedding is the merging of families. If you really feel bad about it, you should talk to her about it. But, I am sure she still loves you :}
Reply:i understand you are upset. it is her choice and her day not yours. she may have been pressured to have family not a friend, i know you are like family but to her mom/dad/his mom etc...your not. it could be she wants the adoptive sister to know she is part of the family and loved . giving her that position ensures she knows this. many reasons she may have made the choice. as long as she made you a bridesmaid be happy for her. i do not mean to be cruel but get over yourself.
Reply:Yes you are over re acing. This will be your friends special day and one that she will remember forever. She may have chosen her adopted sister to be her maid of honor because she wants to show her how much she means to her and her family and how glad she is that she came into their lives and was able to give her a wonderful home. You will still get to be part of the wedding and just for a laugh, what if your friend turns out to be a bridezilla and you have to deal with it?!? Let her sister feel extra special for one day as I'm sure your friend has made you feel special on many other occasions.
Reply:i see how u would be upset but this more than likely was a pressured situation. her family probably wanted her to do it and if they are paying for everything then u take their "suggestions"
Reply:It's her sister, don't you think she would get HUGE grief from her family if she didn't have her sister to be her MOH? Regardless of the fact she is adopted, she is still family, adoption makes her legally her family, so I am sorry I cannot agree with you, I know you are hurt, but try and see things from her point of view, weddings can cause huge upset among families and sometimes for the sake of peace it is easier to do what the family want more than what the bride and groom want. I do think you are over reacting, sorry.
Reply:no.......no matter how you look at it blood is thicker than water...they were there before you... im sure you're still going to be a bridesmaid...suck it up...and stop being selfish


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Reply:you should have definitely been her maid of honor.





you have known her SO much longer!


%26amp; you'll are majorly close- righttt?





well yes, it should be you.





i suggest you talk to her about it %26amp;


let it know that it bothers you %26amp; if


she still dosnt change her mind;


dont get mad, there is nothing


you can do about it; but talk to her





:)
Reply:The thing is, that is her sister, and maybe her parents were pressuring her to have her sister be maid of honour. In the long run it's not going to make a difference. As long as you make it clear to her that you are her best friend and you are there for her no matter what. There are many important jobs for a wedding, one of the most important jobs is to be there for her to vent her frustrations, and believe me, she'll have frustrations. Weddings are extremely stressful and in my experience the bride always needs someone she can count on to help with stressful situations and dilemmas. Are you in the wedding party at all? If not, you can offer to be a "runner", I call it a runner because there are always last minute details for the wedding that come up the day of and the last thing the bride will need is the added stress, the runner would take care of any of these little details with the help of the parents or rest of the wedding party to ensure that the couple getting married has a stress-free enjoyable day!
Reply:Hi. I'd be a bit hurt but it's probably a family things. A lot of people feel pressure to have family members in the wedding. My fiance is having 2 best men for this reason. I also asked a cousin (who declined) to be my MOH since we are family rather than my best friend.. However, since she declined I'm having my best friend. I'm a only kid and I feel this pressure/etc so I can imagine how she feels... Offer to help out and maybe be a "co" MOH... or take the role on but officially have it. If you are as good friends as you say I'd talk to her about it since if not you risk the chance of harvesting a resentment Hang in there and be there for your friend
Reply:You kind of do have the right to be upset. I would be.
Reply:u have a right to be upset, but she might be worried what everyone will think if she picked friends over family. she really wants it to be u, and u know that. ask her if she could have 2 maids of honour?
Reply:Family comes first. U would do the same.
Reply:its her wedding...let her decide...don't throw a tantrum over it...its her special day
Reply:Hey, you probaby should be, just by the years you have stood by her as a friend, but to me it sounds like a family thing that she was talked into. Weddings are FAMILY things that maybe she has to go along with. Be brave and most likely won't you be a brides maid? Being a True friend means putting up with lots of "stuff" at times, BUT hang in there!!! I know you are still best friends.TRY not to be hurt.
Reply:let it go its her sister at least its not another good friend shes picking over you. how would her sister feel if she picked you?
Reply:I think your friend thought that you are someone who will be able to understand that her adopted sister does not have any parents or family of her own and giving her the Honor of being the maid of honor would mean that she is really accepted in this family.





You have much more than her adopted sister, you have parents and siblings, cousins, maybe even nieces and nephews, your friends adopted sister have none of those.





Give her adopted sister the joy of knowing that there is a family in the world who thinks she is so important and loved that she can be the maid of honor at the wedding.
Reply:I had my sister be my maid of honor over my best friend since i was 8! You shouldn't be offended the majority of people will have family first....even if they didn't get to know each other well!
Reply:Get over it, the wedding is about her and not you. If your hurt then dont go. Deal with it, grow up and realize this is life..
Reply:over reacting!!! it was probably incredibly hard for her to decide...don't feel bad, it doesn't take away the love you have for one another
Reply:Overreacting and childish, yes. Get over it because it's not really worth being upset about.
Reply:Stop complaining, shouldn't you just be happy she's getting married?


It's her wedding, not yours.
Reply:Yes, you are overreacting. No, you do not have a right to be upset - she's the bride, she can pick whomever she wants (even a bum off the street if she wanted!).





Would you feel the same way if this girls parents had another natural child when your friend was 14 and that child was being MOH?





As a bride-to-be, I wouldn't want you as my friend anymore if this is how you felt about my selection of MOH. You should be happy for your friend, not jealous you aren't MOH. My family is making a stink about my selection of MOH and all it does is aggravate my fiance %26amp; I.
Reply:do nothing; it is her family and you are not family