I feel like the maid....How do I get my family to help out A LITTLE? Without upsetting them?

I'm 21, I just graduated from college and moved back home to save up some money for an apartment. Ive been job searching all summer and b/c of that it seems everone in the house thinks I am the maid. I clean the entire house (including my parent's room) by myself, do all of the dishes, laundry, cooking, etc. I am used as a babysitter for my 2 year old sister almost all the time. When my mother brings her home its like 'ok, go to sissy, she'll play with you/feed you/clean the tub for your bath/whatever."





I recently started my job, and the entire week leading up to it (my last week of freedom-as I saw it) I was made to spend as maid, nanny, helper all week, I literally had no free time to do anything. Today was my first day off, I woke up to a note that said 'I hate do ask on your day off but could you get all the laundry done, vaccume the house, clean the bathrooms, well really just clean the house..." I feel guilty not to do it b/c I'm not paying rent. I just want them to help.

I feel like the maid....How do I get my family to help out A LITTLE? Without upsetting them?
You are in a bad situation but as long as you have a job, it wont be long untiil you are out in your own place. I suggest you tell your mother you have to go out for a few hours on the weekends. Just go do nothing since it seems if you are there you are put to work. Take a mental break from everything. Go to a park and read. Be alone. The good thing about this is that you are getting to have your fill of what it will be like if YOU get married and have children so thats a good education to have. I doubt that you have any power at all to make others help. Your free stay there is determined by your parents so all you have to do is please them. Save up and get your own nice quiet place-no roommates- so you can reflect back on what you went through to get there and enjoy!
Reply:I have been cleaning up after my family since I was 5 years old. Stop now or you never will. Life is too important to clean up adter other people. Don't be messy, be respectful, but do not be the sole cleaner. Report It

Reply:Dont do it. Go out and have some fun. No one is holding a gun to your head.
Reply:rent something quick!
Reply:Welcome to the real world. How do you think it's going to be when you get older and have a family of your own. Your parents are actually doing you a favor whether you see it that way or not. You're getting prepared to go out on your own where you're going to have to do all that stuff anyway in your own place with your own husband and kids.
Reply:Goodness Gracious....can you come live with me??


I would have to say cleaning the parents room and doing all the laundry when you now have a job is way off.


I would talk to your mother start off with...


How do you do it all mom? If I had a baby , job and house to keep clean I think I would loose my mind.


Let her bring up the subject of you feeling overwhelmed and if she doesn't tell her outright but in a nice way.


I love living with you guys and getting to spend time with (baby sisters name) but I am feeling overwhelmed, can we set up a chart with the things you expect me to do over the coarse of a week that way I don't feel so blind sided when you ask me to clean the whole house. (have note she left handy) She may not even realize how much work she has heaped on you. Good luck and do not forget to heavily lace your conversation with how much you love her and how grateful you are for letting you stay.
Reply:If you're not paying rent I don't really know what to tell you. Maybe you could ask your parents for a lighter load since you're working now though. Everyone needs one day off!
Reply:Your family is taking advantage of you. Forget about upsetting them, let them know how upset YOU are.
Reply:If your not paying rent well, then you are in services, You need to save up your money from your new job and find yourself a apartment.
Reply:Since you’re not paying rent, I could see how it would be best to take care of all your personal housework and also take on the lion’s share of the family’s housework- like doing the cooking and dishes most nights and helping with the cleaning. You say you were doing all the dishes, laundry, cooking. Every person’s laundry, every single time? Cooking and cleaning up every single meal? If that is a true statement, then it’s too much to ask for one person. As a wife and mother, even I don’t do that every time. We take turns. Although I do the bulk of the laundry, the kitchen is about half and half and he takes care of most of the garden. The cleaning- it depends on who has less on their plate. Your family should not have asked you or expected you to do all the household chores. Now that you are working, I would firmly tell them that you have time constraints. Ask them what they would most like for you to do, because you simply do not have the time to do everything. I believe that is very reasonable. Good luck.
Reply:Tell them how you feel! We had this problem when my sister and her husband stayed with us for a few months. Everyone felt like they were doing it all and it really turned into a major problem! Tell them how you feel and stop doing htings around the hosue, that way they will see first hand that you are really doing it all.
Reply:You can pay rent and refuse to do their chores, but as it is now, it seems fair to pay "in-kind" rent in the form of chores.
Reply:Your are not serious about that morning note......It's funny the other day my Mom's boyfriend was just telling my Mom that and that she should like me be and let me rest... However, I still help out in the house because I feel the same way, I do not pay rent or buy too many things for the house, so I try to keep a balance in what I do around the house so that I won't feel like a maid. Sooooo I encourage you to politely tell your Mom how you feel, exactly as you have told us, you sound very humble, tell her you want to help but you also want to have some 'ME' time especially now that you are job shopping, by the way if you live in Central New Jersey, my company is hiring... Stay in contact =)
Reply:Good luck! I go through the same thing, difference is I am in my own place, but I have family that live with me. They take for granted that you will always be there to do these things. It won't be easy, things like this are never easy with family whether you pay rent or not. My suggestion, get your own place as soon as you can afford to. Trust me if you are going to play the part of the maid it may as well be for yourself.
Reply:JUST SAY NO! How thoughtless of them! Now you are working chores need to be shared out...take it into your own hands, make a rota and slap it on the fridge. You choose your jobs and do them...any jobs they dont do...remain undone!
Reply:Well... since your not like paying rent I agree that you should help around the house but it seems like to are taking care of the whole like family. You shouldn't have to clean your parents room, that's ridiculous unless you want to because it's not even your room your not living in it or messing it up. Maybe you should like baby sit you sister sometimes and help take care of her but she is your parents child too they need to take some responsibility. Tell your parents that it's their house too and that they should help take some part in caring for it.
Reply:One thing that would help would be for you to pay a little towards your food and use of utilities. Do some little something to help clean the house and leave a sweet note saying that you are sorry you could not do more, but you had some things to take care of pertaining to your new job.
Reply:GET AN MAID AS NOW YOU CAN AFFORD THEM.
Reply:tell her get her fat *** up clean the house.
Reply:All the chores you mention are ones that have probably been done for you by your parents for most of your life. At the moment, you are living in their house without paying rent, so if you don't do the chores they've asked for, you SHOULD feel guilty.





You're not a child anymore but an adult non-paying guest in your parents' home. While you're there, give them the help they ask for without complaint. You have the remedy in your own hands: get your own place or share with friends if that's too expensive. They'll have plenty of years to do the chores without your help when you're gone.

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