Am i a bad person to prefer my 8 month old baby over my husbands 10 yr old kid?

my husband has a 10 yr. old who is here every other weekend and when she is here i feel i just need to get away.... she is so annoying to me i try and be nice to her i have never been abusive or offensive to her...what i do is leave the house, go to my moms anything but be here... she is spoiled in the way that my husband does everything for her she cannot pour herself a bowl of ceral i refuse to be her maid..i told my husban she feels she is old treat her that way teach her how to be a good person...i refuse to raise her i have my own child to wrry about...help

Am i a bad person to prefer my 8 month old baby over my husbands 10 yr old kid?
You are not a bad person, it is natural to feel more for your own little one, but there are things to try to keep in mind.


You do not know this little girl, or where she is coming from. My sister is nearly 17 and we still cook for her, which looks bad on the outside. But then you get to know us. You find out that every time she has tried to cook, even under direct supervision, she has either cut something (not always with knives, not always herself. I was on the recieving end of a terrible electric can opener incidence once) or set things on fire. Popcorn in the micro for two minutes? Boom. No more Casey in the kitchen. Maybe she finds the milk heavy and spills it. Maybe her home life is different and she enjoys a little bit of spoiling for the little time she gets to be daddies little girl.


Now imagine how she feels. She comes over twice a month, and her new mom figure dissapears. Doesnt want to get to know her, doesnt want to deal with her. I would feel insulted and hurt, and very possibly she wants to make things difficult on you BECAUSE of that. I know that when I didnt like a potential step parent, I sure did.


It is up to you, but first I would sit down and talk to your husband, explain things to him. Then spend time with the girl, four days a week will not hurt you. Give her a chance to get to know her sibling, even ask her to help out. If she wants you to do something she is capable of just tell her that she can do it. After a few weekends like this, maybe even try to spend a few hours alone with her.


I know a ten year old looks just as grown as anyone next to your baby, but the fact is she's only half done growing up. She can still believe spooks under the bed, yet feel she is grown up enough to go do any number of things...it is a confusing time for a child and will only be getting worse for her. Do you remember your early teenage years? Too old to be a kid, too young to be an adult? Its not fun.


Give her a chance, and you will have a chance to shape her for the better.
Reply:This is normal. My wife has a 13 year old daughter from her first marriage who drives me nuts! She is spoiled and lazy and very messy around the house (she does live with us). I do favor my two toddlers over her for those reasons.
Reply:You need to get past your ego here. I think you are jealous.


You are the adult and


she is just a child.... one you have issues with... but remember she is the child . Not you. Find ways to help her grow into a healthy adult.


Stop being offended


Let go of your need to win.


Let go of your need to be right.


Let go of your need to be surperior


Give up need to have more.


Just give.
Reply:I think 8 moth babies are much better than a bratty 10 year old girl
Reply:qiRL i CAN'T EVEN qiVE YOU ADViSE BECAUSE MY HUSBAND'S BROTHER(19 YR LD BROTHER) THAT WE USED TO LiVE WiTH iS THE SAME WAY CAN'T COOK HiS OWN FREAKiNq FOOD..THE BOY USED TO BEq ME TO MAKE HiM PEANUT BUTTER %26amp; JELLY SANDWiCHS.....HE'S SO LAZY BECAUSE MY HUSBAND'S MOM %26amp; qRANDMOTHER DiD EVERYTHiNq FOR HiM WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER...tHEY STiLL DO NOW..SO qOOD LUCK WiTH THAT..AT LEAST YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE DEALiNq WiTH iT!!
Reply:your baby is your flesh and you can never love or feel towards your husbunds child the way you do for your own,and your husbunds child is to another woman but most of all she is at an age which is and most likely will cause your relationship problems but your not abad person for the feelings you have every one in the same boat feels the same way
Reply:You have motherly instincts.............it is not bad.
Reply:I don't think you're a bad person, but I think it's a little selfish of you not wanting to raise your husband's child. I mean, you're probably going to spend the rest of your life with this person and he's always going to have that kid, you know? I think you should try harder to accept his daughter and when she grows older, she'll learn to have respect for other people. Your husband will be hurt deeply if he finds out you don't want to participate in the bringing up of his child, and it's not fair for you to care only about your own child when he has to care for two.





I think you and your husband should have a very serious talk, and you should express your feelings about this situation. He is obliged to listen to you as well, so please just help each other out a little.





I think it's normal for you to care more about your baby, but you have to be understanding and welcome both into your family because you have your husband to think about as well.





Good luck.


;o
Reply:I can understand that. You can never get used to your husband's daugther unless she comes to live with you. And even if she does, you will have hard time in the beginning before you get to know each other well. You only see her twice a month and that's deffinitely not enough to start liking her. After all, she grew up in a totally different environment and has different habits so you can't expect to love her instantaneously. So, no, preferring your own child does not make you a bad person. But you also have to be realistic and accept, at least in theory, that a 10-year-old child can't be all bad. If you lived with her long enough, you would start seeing not only the things that bother you but also the adorable things and the things that make you laugh. And even though she's old enough to pour her own bowl of cereal, she is actually still a child and her behaviour is expected to be childish in many areas. My advice is to try to get to know her better - what she likes and dislikes, what her interests are and so on. Maybe then you will start enjoying her visits and will not be so resentful of her shortcomings.
Reply:WOW U SOUND LIKE A TOTAL ***** SORRY BUT U DO