What to do with a deadbeat maid of honor??

So, I picked my younger sister (25 yrs.old) to be my maid of honor. I've been so aggravated with her. She hasn't helped out a bit...if anything she has given me more work to do! Here are the examples: I searched for her dress, we were supposed to go together, but of course she left me hangin. My parents bought the dress, since she has no money. I gave her the task of taking the dress to be altered-still hasn't done that. She was supposed to send invites for the shower out. It's next week, people are asking if the shower is still on, since they still haven't received them. The bachelorette party is in New York, she waited to the last minute to get a ticket and then told me she had no money. My dad ended up getting it for her....

What to do with a deadbeat maid of honor??
at 25, she should have some money or at the very least some sense of responsibility. it does not cost that much to get stamps and dollar store invitations so she has no excuse for that. you might have less people at your party and that really is not fair to you. :(





she is an adult now, she should be able to do basic things like meet to look for dresses and then get them altered. it sounds like she is waiting until the last minute to do things, then cries no money for your dad to step in. your dad should be saying, LOOK, i ain't pay all these things you agreed to do. do them when you are suppose to and stop giving your sister a hard time.





i would also talk to her, saying it makes me feel that you do not care about me at all when you put things off and you have made no effort to save any money.





don't worry about the people who think YOU are rude. :p you're not. when people become bridesmaids and MOH, they know it is a responsibility before hand and you are not expecting anything more than what should be.
Reply:I didn't ask my MOH or bridesmaids to do any WORK - I just wanted them to be our attendants to support us on our wedding day!
Reply:Ahhh...the memories of my wedding. I also choose my sister who was 24 at the time, no money, no sense of urgency. Since I couldn't undo the "maid of honor" title, I went to my best friend who was also a bridesmaid. I cried and told her how I thought my sister was trying to sabatoge the wedding. Not only did my friend calm me down but she stepped up. She was the one who threw my bridal shower and my bachlorette party. She also gave the toast at my wedding!!! It was beautiful! If you have another bridesmaid who's willing to do this, ask them. Or, you could ask a friend who's not part of the wedding to help out. Then be sure to introduce them at the wedding as your "personal wedding planner". Don't let anyone aggravate you right now. Let this be the best time of your life! Oh, and if she doesn't get her dress altered, no one will notice. All eyes will be on you. She'll be the one tugging at the dress all day!
Reply:When are you getting married? Do you have time to fill the position with another, more reliable and caring person? If not you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with her. Explain to her that when she took the honor of being the maid of honor that she also accepted responsibilities. If it still does not work have someone else help with responsibilities.
Reply:tell her all of this. if she doesn't step up as your moh then she's done. you will ask someone else in the wedding party. if she complains that she hasn't had any money then tell her that this should have been brought to your attention months ago and you would have resolved it then. or you could just tell her that you are going to relieve her because of the financial strain that she is having and want someone who can do what a moh is supposed to do. be nice about it though even though i know you are fuming.
Reply:well my orignial maid of Honor didnt give a crap, so I got a new one. And my old one doesnt really know that yet, but my other friend was the one that planned out a trip to Vegas, as well as my bachelorette party and my bridal shower, and my "Best friend" has cared less, so, its gonna be tough, and after my wedding we probably wont speak much anymore. She was like my sister, adn I guess that meant that I was supposed to just take care of everything for her. I understand where you are coming from. If people cant handle the honor of being the Maid or Matron of Honor, they shouldnt accept it.
Reply:tell her she either has to get with the program or leave the show..





You don't need the extra stress and it is lovely that you asked her to be in the wedding but if she doesn't want to be part then maybe it would be best to get a new maid of honor now before anymore damage is done,





plus you don't want to blame you sister for the rest of your life for your wedding not happening the way you hoped. it's a very important time in your life





gl to you
Reply:First I'd approach another bridesmaid that you are close to an trust. Explain the situation to her, and ask if she'd be willing to take over as Maid of Honor if you decide your sister just can't handle it.





Then, I'd sit down with your sister and explain to her what her responsibilities are as the Maid of Honor, and how she should be thrilled that you asked her to take on this responsibility. Tell her that right now, she's not living up to the responsibility she accepted, and that if she feels she can't you have someone who is willing to take her place as MOH, and she can step down to a bridesmaid position.
Reply:ooh i had that problem with my bridesmaid.. she did some of the same stuff (never got her dress fitted, booked a hair appointment the evening of the rehearsal...) i took her aside and asked her if she would rather just be a guest at the wedding..


i think you need to talk to your sister and see if her heart is really in being a maid of honour or not...
Reply:tell her to STEP UP!!!
Reply:One thing you girls seem to have a misunderstanding about..."maid-of-honor" and "bridesmaid" are HONORARY titles these days...it does NOT mean "brides slave"...sorry to burst some bubbles out there...yes...the day will be all about "you"...but other people have lives..AND financial constraints that may not be compatible with your big day...


and simply cannot come up with the money...


A shower can be given BY anyone to the bride (and/or groom) and it is NOT something you should automatically expect from ANYONE...nor is a bachelorette party. It is a "privilege" not a "right". It seems quite clear to me that your sister just CANNOT afford YOUR wedding at the moment. Give her a little slack here will ya?


You may want to speak to your sister, PRIVATELY, and ask her what her situation is..and offer to either help, or bring in a friend who can maybe do all these things WITH her, so she is not saddled with it all...it is obvious it is overwhelming her...or, it could be other issues...never "assume" anything...talk with your sister...and DON'T threaten to take away her status as your "maid-of-honor" just because of this...if you are close, you will want her by your side...


Your relationship with her should mean more to you than what she can "do for you".....


Capish???
Reply:Was she aware of her duties when you originally asked her? Is this something she normally does in "regular" life or is this new? If it's something she normally does, you probably knew about her behavior prior to asking her to be your MOH. Also, the bridal shower and hen party aren't something that you automatically get - these are parties your friends/bridal party throw for you as something nice to do for you. They aren't necessities and you aren't supposed to expect them or plan them. I hate to sound harsh but if your other bride's maids (or friends, if you have only your sister in the party) want to do these things, they will.





I don't think you should kick your sister out of the wedding - you've asked her so she should stay. Talk to her so she knows what she's responsible for. If she doesn't want to do that stuff, ask one of your bride's maids if they'd be willing to help out.





Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear... JMHO.
Reply:either talk to her about it or kick her out of the wedding.


my maid of honor was horrible too. unless you do something, it will only get worse.


i totally regret having her even in my wedding. we are no longer friends.
Reply:Just because she is family doesnt mean she has to be maid of honor, or just because she is the maid of honor doesnt mean she has to be your right-hand-woman
Reply:Kick her to the curb! I know she is your sister but this is your Big Day and you need to make sure it is as stress free as possible. Good luck, it is hard when it involves family letting you down.

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