Maid of honor drama?

my maid of honor (also my best friend) just emailed me and along with a huge rude list of things she doesn't like about me, she said she doesn't want to be a maid of honor anymore. she said she'd still be a bridesmaid, but please back me up on this, she doesn't make the call of who is in my wedding and what role they have. she hurt me so bad, i was in tears all day... so i have every right to kick her out of the wedding... right?








there is no talking about it and working it out... she made her feelings perfectly clear to me and she has no interest in hearing what i have to say, so i went ahead and asked her to step down from being in the wedding all together.





i'm getting married in september and i am too old for her immature high school drama... friend or not, the wedding is about me, not her. and she also told me that my fiance and i won't last.





how can people be so rude... was i right to just kick her out of the wedding all together??? ugh...

Maid of honor drama?
You write: i just dont need that in my life...





And you are correct. You don't need that in your life.





Under these circumstances, it is okay to ask her to step down from being in the wedding all together . . . as long as it is done politely.





You did the right thing. You don't need this type of "friend" in your life. Relax . . . and go do something to de-stress. Go get a massage or a pedicure. Or take a long, relaxing bubble bath.





Do something for you . . . and put this person right out of your mind. If she could not afford the dress, she should have discussed it with you calmly and honestly. There was no need for her to be rude and insulting. Let her go.
Reply:You were right to ask her to step down. It is your wedding and she has no right to try to manipulate any part of the wedding. There has to be more to her being this way than she has let you know but I realize you are probably too busy to try to find out right now and understandably so. Maybe one day down the road you guys can work things out. After all you did say at the beginning that she is your best friend.
Reply:There is no need to"kick people out ".That sounds very Jr. High schoolish.


Let her know that you understand the hardship of a single mother spending $140 on your day and you would be honored to have her attend as a guest.


End of drama.
Reply:What I jerk- I'd let her come to the wedding, but not let her be a bride's maid or maid of honor. Thats really not all that much for the shoes and dress.


Why'd she do that?
Reply:Hmmm... Sounds justified to me. I don't see why people have to be rude and try to ruin someone else's big day! You go and enjoy your day, she isn't needed anymore.
Reply:Kick her out all together. You have enough to worry about without her adding HER drama to the mix.





Congrats on your up coming wedding!!
Reply:That sounds about right to me. I would have kicked her out of my wedding as well.
Reply:She has expressed her desire not to be the MOH, you are not kicking her out she has stepped out on her own...





Dry your eyes, take a deep breath and decide who you would like to replace her...They will need so planning time...





Her behavior was indeed rude however to meet it with rude behavior of your own is playing the H.S. drama game...





Sit down and compose a return e-mail telling her you are sorry she feels this way.. Thank her for telling you in such a timely manner about her desire to not be a participant as it gives you the ability to replace her more easily... Assure her that she will be receiving an invitation as a regular guest... Assure her that although this is a bump in your friendship you would like to continue it after feelings have simmered down and the chaos of the wedding has passed...





By meeting her rude behavior with a calm rational response (no matter how difficult it is to be calm and rational) you take the wind out of her sails and avert what can be a very ugly scene...





Yes you are hurt and yes you have a right to feel hurt but lashing out to hurt her in return is childish behavior, move on with planning your wedding... In choosing a replacement don;t choose one out of spite to hurt her choose sensably.... And be grateful dhe flaked out with a wide margin of time, she could have flaked out in the end of August making this a much more difficult fix....
Reply:You need someone that will help aleviate the stress of wedding planning, not add to it. If she doesn't want to spend money on the dress, then what makes her think she'll have the money for the Bride's Maid's dress.? If that's the only reason she resigned the position, then replace her, no hard feelings. During this stressful time, everyone's emotions and tempers can flare up, but things will cool down soon enough, and you won't want a whole relationship to be distroyed because of it... right? If there's more to it than you're telling us, then I don't know what to tell you...
Reply:The wedding is the briges day. and if you don't want her there not let her be there to mess-up your special day, for you only surpose to marry once for life.But these days people treat marrage as a joke its not its forever thats the way God made it to be.People get married for the wrong reasons and not for love,and it don't work out. Its called the 7year itch,then they get divorce ,like it never happened. but some people like me take there marriages very seriuosly. I've been married too the same man for 30 years now ,and I'd never give him a divorce, But too let you know before hand marriage is hard work too keep it together,you must be welling to give and take 50/50 or it wont last.And one partern can't make a marriage work alone, both must be welling to work at it. and talkings the must important part of keeping your marriage together and loving. thats not to say its easy its not ,sometimes you must do things you dont like for your partern ,the same goes for him. Well God Bless your union, I hope it last for ever for you both.
Reply:Definatly! Don't feel bad. She doesn't deserve to be in your wedding if she just comes along emailing you a list of things she doesn't like about you. She clearly doesn't care about your feelings, and if she doesn't want to be you MOI, why should she get to be a maid at all? This is your wedding, not hers. She can't just decide that she doesn't want to be your MOI but she can be your bridesmaid. I think your decision was fine. She doesn't deserve to march down the aisle in your wedding when in her mind who knows what she's thinking about the wedding or you.





Also, I don't think $140 is too much to ask. And anyways, wouldn't she still have to pay 140 for the BM dress, or do you have a separate MOH and BM dress? Whatever, either way, she doesn't deserve to be in it. And, she doesn't even sound organized or anything... she'd probably end up planning something else on your wedding day and leave you at the altar!
Reply:You aren't required to have ANYONE in the wedding party that you don't want to, so no worries on that account. She can't just demote herself but stay in the wedding without your permission.





It's awful that someone who should love and support you like your best friend did something so hurtful to you, but do bear in mind that weddings can bring out the best and the worst in people- it's a time of high stress and change, and your friend may be feeling jealous, anxious, overworked, out-of-place, left-out, worried for you, or any combination of the above. Not everyone is good at expressing their painful feelings in constructive ways.





That doesn't excuse what she did, but just remember it for later, when the hurt has eased a little bit- she may still care about you very much, and she may already be regretting what she said, or hoping that you'll reach out or forgive her. You're not required to have her in your wedding, or to forgive or forget such a painful thing, but if it's a long and good friendship, you may not want to write it off altogether over one bad incident (although it's certainly a pretty bad one).





Best of luck and here's hoping the rest of your wedding planning goes more smoothly.





EDIT: I just read your edit, and I have to say that explains a lot. It still doesn't excuse what she did, and I'm certainly not saying that it's your fault, but it can be very frustrating to be in a bridal party that you can't (or can barely) afford. I'm MOH for two upcoming weddings, and the dress picked for one wedding (without my input, since I'm long distance from the bride) is very expensive- more than I can really afford. Fortunately the other bride is being very understanding and letting me wear it for her wedding too, so it averages out to the same as buying two relatively affordable gowns, but I'm not going to pretend it wasn't frustrating to find out that I was expected to pay through the nose to be a part of my friend's wedding- and I know it would have hurt her terribly if I said I couldn't/wouldn't be in the wedding, so I'm sacrificing to afford it. If our friendship was on the rocks in any other area, it could have been a last straw kind of thing.





It's hard to see when you're spending so much more on everything how the bridal party clothing and expenses can be a lot, but remember, it's YOUR wedding, not the bridesmaids'- they're paying for the dresses to make you happy and be part of your celebration, not to benefit themselves. A little understanding from brides on that point is always good.
Reply:Yeah, she seems like a sour apple.





But, I'm curious as to what brought this on. Did you have a fight about something? Did you say something to her and she took it wrong? Are you being bridezillish? Are you asking her to complete tasks for your wedding that are beyond her capabilities?





I feel like your not telling the whole story here. Sometimes we agrue with friends, despite our age. We are human and no matter how mature we are, sometimes we get are feelings hurt or disagree with people.





Something HAD to have happened between you two that sparked this.





Before ending the friendship, look at what could have happened. If you did something, say you're sorry. She might just want a little respect.





You're right that you don't need high school drama. However, it's not very mature to let a good friend just walk away.





This can be resolved, reflect on what happened to your friendship. You might be surprised at how you are coming across or acting towards her.





EDIT: Based on your edit, I can see a potential conflict. I'm not trying to be mean, but you are very disrespectful and demeaning towards your friend. OK, the dress and shoes are NOT expensive, but maybe they are to her. She is a single mother. Maybe you are having a hard time understand that. It's possible.





Also, she is "ditching" you. That is an immature way to think about friends. She has other friends, it's OK. So, you don't approve of them or her behavior. But, it's really known of your business.





IF you are voicing your opinions on her lifestyle, she may feel very disrespected by you. You are suppose to be her best friend.





You both sounds young. She is a new mother and a single mother. Babies don't come with owners manuals and she probably is having a hard time emotionally and financially with everything going on.





I'd have to say, I think you BOTH are wrong in this situation. Resolve it. You are planning a wedding and she is a single mom. That's TWO completely different worlds. But, it's not right for you to comment on her "partying" lifestyle just b/c she's a mom. It's not your business, as long as the baby is safe and taken care of.





She might think you are attacking her parenting style or even her child, by making comments about her lifestyle. She might feel like you are taking your wedding too serious, by not understand that a $140 is a lot of money for someone who is currently shelling out lots of money on diapers, formula and other baby needs.
Reply:I look at it like this - she said she does not want to be your MOH but is willing to be a bridesmaid. She's unwilling or unable to do what she was asked to do. You have no obligation to find another place for her.





Perhaps she is unconsciously jealous to a certain degree - or at least some internal conflict - that you have found the person you want to settle down with. Maybe she thinks that after you're married she will have NO place in your life.





Sorry this has happened, to you but all you can do is keep moving forward. Congratulations on the upcoming marriage.
Reply:This is your wedding, and your day to be happy, so let her go, find forgiveness and move on, you are to be happy, I read the other day, forgiveness and moving on is like a splinter, When we have a splinter in our finger, don't we remove it immedietly, as soon as we can, this is what you should do, remove the pain your friend is causing you, you are not doing it for her, you are doing it for you, find another maid of honor and continue on YOUR HAPPY DAY. find forgiveness and find another maid of Honor, it will make your wedding special to you, you shouldnt' have these worries or problems, this is your day. remove the splinter, find forgiveness and move on.

Dancing