Maid Of Honor Dilemma?

My friend asked me to be her maid of honor in her wedding. We've known each other since we were 6 years old (25 now), and have been pretty much best friends the whole time we've known each other. Unfortunately, the past couple of years, we've drifted apart, mainly b/c she met her future husband and kind of put him in front of all her friends. (I'm not trying to sound bitter here, it's just the truth!!!)





So, anyway, she asked me to be her MOH, and I accepted. However, she's doing all the planning of the wedding with her mom and has not asked me to help at all. She's attended bridal shows, picked out her wedding dress, and even found a bridesmaid dress for us to wear. I've asked her if she needed help, and told her to let me know of anything I can do numerous times, but she hasn't taken me up on it. I kind of feel like I'm her MOH just for the sake of her having one in the wedding. Should I just sit back and wait for her to ask for help? Not sure what to do here!!

Maid Of Honor Dilemma?
It is an interesting situation that you are in because usually it is the reverse. The MOH usually gets mad because the bride wants them to be at their beck and call 24/7.


Why don't you just ask her or talk to her about the way that you are feeling? You never know what her side of the story is until you talk to her. It's possible that her mom is just taking over planning the wedding and your friend is going along with it. Who knows? Just don't jump to any conclusions until you speak with her. I am sure that once the wedding gets closer that she will start to ask for more help. Some brides are more independent then others. I wouldn't take an offense to this though...
Reply:hey mandy,





my bff of 3 years in my maid of honor. it's bc i wanted her to have the title. not do the stuff....mainly bc she lives in nc and i'm in ny. i don't think MOH's necessarily need to do the stuff they used to do.





i bet she asked you bc she adores you and wanted you to stand out in the wedding. email me if you wanna talk any further. good luck!
Reply:I would periodically ask if she needs help. If she does she'll tell you. If she doesn't that's fine too. Evidently you were important enough to her to be the MOH. That's very flattering.





It's her wedding, so let her take the lead. Just periodically ask if there's anything you can do for her...





I'm MOH to my sister who lives in Canada!! She's not counting on me to do anything but to be there when she says "I do".
Reply:Offer to host the shower or the bachelorette party.
Reply:Actually this isn't a dilemma! It's just that there are a minority of us brides who did things this way.


I asked my MOH simply because she is the closest in my heart, NOT to do work. We're the type of family where we all pretty much pitch in when there's a wedding, and the wedding party helped with one bridal shower (not payment or anything, just with bringing some dainties). I would normally have had all the women there to choose the dresses, though - it just so happened my MOH lived very far away.


At the ceremony, my MOH fluffed my train, and passed along my flowers for someone to hold. She signed the document, then had FUN at the reception. That's all I wanted!!!


But don't sit back and wait - ask occasionally how the planning is going, if there is something you can help out with...


I know, it REALLY sounds different than the situation most brides do here on Answers... but don't take 'offence' with it, it's just that some people do things differently.
Reply:Let her do it all. If it bothers you to much tell her you feel uncomfortable not doing your MOH resposibilities and you want to get involved with the details. Be honest.
Reply:you should be happy that shes not nagging you and asking your opinion on everything, I have not really asked my girls to do anything, partially b/c my moh lives 4 hours away, and my bridesmaid lives in a completely different state which about 14 hours away. Is she the only girl? It may be b/c her and her mom are doing a lot together b/c she only has one daughter, I am doing practically everything with my mom. You should just be happy to be there and be part of her day, it could be worse!!!!
Reply:I didnt have my MOH do anything for my wedding besides show up. I personally feel that its my wedding and I should be doing all the planning. if I needed help with anything I knew she would be willing, but I took care of it all. I went alone dress shopping. I picked out 4 dresses I like for her she came shopping with me to get the one she wanted. I planned the locations, the food and decorations with my mom and that was it. I dont think there is anything wrong with what she is doing. I think its great shes taking responsibility for the plannign of her wedding.
Reply:it is better to say do you need help with a___ and fill in a specific task. Lots of people get the do you need help with anything and often do not know what you are interested in helping or do not want to bother you. So you should say do you need help stuffing invitations this weekend. If she still does not need your help be thank full you are the the MOH of a bridzilla. It is like when people say call me if you need anything noone ever calls that person vesus if someone says call me if you need help cooking, then that person will get a call.
Reply:Believe me, if she needs you, she will ask. Sounds like with her mom being heavily involved she has all the help she needs right now.





Sit back, relax... it is not very often on here that we hear about brides NOT asking for help.





She will need you in the end, especially the day of.





Good Luck!
Reply:yes if you've let her know numerous times that you want to help and she hasn't taken you up on it then there is not too much else to do. maybe give her a list of specifics. say "i want to go look at dresses with you, what do you think of this saturday?" or "do you need help with this, i'm free on sunday".... but she might feel like she just wants to be in control of those aspects and really just not want help. focus on the things that she will not be a part of - the shower and the bachelorette party. you can even talk to her mom for help on those, but the bride shouldn't really play a part so those are all for you and the bridesmaids! it's very generous of you to want to help so much.... i'm sure she appreciates the offers. one day she'll be really frustrated about something and just be there to listen! she might want that sort of help more than anything.
Reply:I wouldn't get to upset about it, her mom, and mother in law, are obviously keeping her busy. Just keep reminding her you are there for her, and when she needs your help to let you know. She's probably being pulled in every direction, trying to plan things. Give her time, and she'll be calling.
Reply:Count yourself as lucky. Numerous brides post questions on here about how their MOH isn't doing enough and they want to kick them out or demote them.


I've picked my dress, reserved the hall, got leads on the churches, etc. before I ever even asked my cousin to be my MOH.


It doesn't sound like you have any real reservations about being MOH, but are just concerned you aren't doing enough. Hang in there. As the date gets closer she may need your help. Also, if her family is large, she may ask others for help so they feel they have played a special part in the wedding.


Just make sure she knows you are there if you can be of help.
Reply:I'd stay in the wedding.


It's natural to put your husband ahead of your friends. It's normal that when you fall in love with someone to want to spend every second of the day with them. Eventually it cools off a bit and you start spending time with your friends again. Don't take that personally. I doubt your friend is trying to shut you out.





Your friend might just be someone who likes to plan everything herself. You've offered help so I'd wait for her to ask you. If you want to be involved you could throw her a wedding shower.





Be thankful she isn't a Bridezilla. I've been in two weddings and was treated like garbage both times. I wondered why I'd even been asked to be in either wedding and one of them was my sister's!
Reply:Sounds like she's got most of it under control. Talk with her mom and ask if there is anything you can help her with (especially the bridal shower/bachelorette party). Don't stress it though. Some brides just are not fussy.
Reply:You have offered that's all you can do. The only other thing that I would possibly do is contact her mother directly and let her know that you are throwing her a shower and would like the addresses of anyone that she can think of who should be invited, that way she gets the hint that you are eager to be in on the wedding plans.





Other than that, I would sit back and relax, and even be thankful that your aren't dealing with a Bridezilla.
Reply:Tell her that you love her, not in a friend/sister love kind of way, you need to know how she feels?
Reply:I havent asked any of my bridesmaids to do anything for me nor my MOH. There will be things towards the end that she will ask you to do. Small things though its just how the bride is. Some brides like to do things for themselves where as others think the bridesmaids need to do everything for them. Don't worry about it though just let her ask you to do something. Just relax while you can when it comes time to put up decorations she will ask you too help. Just relax though seriously its not that big of a deal she just likes doing things for herself. I dont know of anything that i could ask my bridesmaids or MOH to do. I know they will help decorate though and maybe drive me some places to do stuff when it gets closer.





Edit!


As the person above me stated she may be the only girl. I am the only girl and so my mom is helping me with EVERYTHING and I wouldn't have it any other way. That is prob the reason too.
Reply:I would just relax. My MOH didn't help with any of the wedding planning either. My DH and I did it all. He and I picked out the bridesmaids dresses. We knew as soon as we saw them that they were the one. I designed and made my dress so no help needed there. We did the favors, centerpieces, etc. She came to the showers and gave us a shower but that was her choice. I was grateful that she was there for emotional support and that she wanted to give us a shower and attend the other ones. Just stand ready in the wings if she needs to vent or needs anything done. When the mother of the bride is alive, the bride and her mother usually do most of the wedding planning themselves. Mine was deceased so my fiance bravely stepped in and helped with everything to do with the wedding except my dress and wedding tennies.
Reply:I would just wait on her to ask for your help because really the weddings that I've been in and to the MOH really doesn't do anything except for that day and that is to make sure the bride is dressed and on time everywhere. Plus, weddings are a mother/daughter thing too and has a lot of bonding time with them two. Just hang in there I'm sure your friend wants you to be a part of the wedding and she knows that you're friendship is special, just give her some time - it'll work out.