Would you be upset if your mother called you an old maid?

My mom keeps constantly pushing me to start thinking about settling down and getting married and have kids.... I went to visit her and out of nowhere she tells me that maybe I don't realize it but by some people's standards I would already be considered an old maid and that I seriously need to start thinking about my future if I don't want to end up alone.





I'm 23, graduating college this week, I have a great job that I start in few weeks. I'm just confused how I'm not thinking about my future?





My mom is very smart and educated herself. But she got her engineering degree at 19 and got married at 22 and had me at 23, but things are a little different for me.





How do I explain to her that we live in a different time without her getting on my back?

Would you be upset if your mother called you an old maid?
Katyusha:





I agree with everyone. The majority of my friends got married young - 19 to 23. Almost all of these marriages failed. I believe it was largely due to the fact that they had not experienced enough in life yet, including a more diverse set of people; and fittingly, cheating was the factor that broke all of them apart. Also, being financially/professionally secure is a big one, as money and career changes are some of the biggest problems in young marriages. I did not get married until I was 34. I was lucky in that I pretty much knew right away, this was a person I could and wanted to be around all the time (a very tall order for a Scorpio).





I know its a lot a pressure, as one of my friend's mother constantly bugged her about marriage, with the name-calling and all. She got married a little older than the rest of my friends - about 24-26. She was always on that quest though. And I never knew if its what she really wanted, or she just felt so much pressure. She is still married; however, her husband is a pretty dubious guy, and he expects to be waited on hand and foot.





Last, but certainly not least - Congratulations to you! Now you can focus on your professional life, while still choosing what you would like to do with your free time. You deserve and need some me time!!!
Reply:i wouldnt really be that upset, and you are not getting old at all! just because your mom rushed through her life so quickly doesnt mean you should. take your time and wait until you find the perfect person that you want to spend the rest of your life with and then get married and settle down. you are not and old maid just because you are not so quick to get married. you sound fine to me!
Reply:Hey, Katyusha (lol..its that Japanese?)





Talk about tough standards. Every person is different. Some people find love when they are 15 and some people find love when they're 40. I think it is wrong and ignorant for your mom to call you an "Old Maid". Because you are only 23.





Just tell your mom that you're focusing on your own career and that is your #1 priority. Love, marriage, and having kids comes after that. And you do have a point that you live in a different time than your mom. Dating world today seems to be more complicated than ever before. With all the sleeping around that is going on..lol.





Congratulation on your graduation. Hopefully I myself can graduate in 2 to 3 years from now.
Reply:tell your mom that you are thinking of your future and that is why you are not rushing into getting married.you are still very young and have not found the right one to spend the rest of your life with yet.you are doing right by getting your life together first keep up the good work!!
Reply:No she's always calling me names like that. Yeah it hurts, but it's not a big deal. Explain to her how you are still in college and you are ready to graduate, you have a great job, and you are thinking about your future(right?)
Reply:Tell her you've got PLENTY of time to get married and have kids. Without being rude, you might want to tell her that maybe she's being a little selfish. Sounds like she wants a baby around not for your sake, but for hers.
Reply:She sounds like she's jealous. Next time she mentions it, tell her you are adding a month to the time you will settle down every time she asks that question or gives you advice about it.
Reply:my mother calls me that all the time ;l
Reply:Your mother is crazy. You are not an old maid and you have plenty of time to get married. Tell her you want to make yourself financially secure before getting married because then if the relationship doesn't work out you will not be left out on you ear. Tell her you want to have a few years on your own in your own carreer like she did since she was 19 when she first got her degree and didn't get married until like 3 years later. Tell her getting married right now is not the best decision for you and with the way most relationships go now -a -days you want to make sure you have enough work experience to be able to live and take care of yourself before you get in a serious relationship. Tell her in order to be an old maid you would have to be old and you are still young. Tell her it hurts your feelings for her to be calling you an old maid and have so little faith in your future.
Reply:I am your mums age and trust me at that time, girls were not supposed to want to get married at all. And babies, well forget that. They spoil your figure and interfere with your career. Biology is not destiny. A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. I am woman hear me roar. Do you really think I am going to stay home and cook your dinner? I dont think I want this one (referring to the embryo) There is a real financial brain under those curls!!





Did your mum marry your dad? Was she raising you at home and not working outside the home?





Because in my opinion, your mum regrets her feminist years, perhaps wanted more children, and feels that she really wants a husband and now it is too late.





She wants you to find a stable relationship and stay home and have babies.
Reply:Hi Devochka (I can't get used to the new name just yet),





Your mom sounds kind of confusing. She lives one kind of life and wants something different for her daughter.





Well, first of all, I want to say congratulations on your upcoming graduation. What an accomplishment, and I know you worked hard for it, and I wouldn't be surprised to hear that you have some accolades or awards coming to you. Also, I wish you well in starting your career - how very exciting!





Now, regarding your age. Relatively speaking, 23 is very young. FYI, I did not marry until I was 32 and had my first child at age 37, and I am of your mother's generation, older even. I applaud you for staying focused on your work and not succumbing to maternal / peer / societal pressure.





Enjoy your single years because those are the years where you will learn the real meaning of freedom and independence. I feel sorry for girls who marry and have children too young - they never get to experience this wonderful stage of development. I also believe that many silently envy single, educated and career driven women.





Now, regarding what to tell your mom: I would very gently tell her that you want her to be proud of you and would very much like to have her support for what you want to accomplish in life. Tell her that marriage is something you want to do someday, but the time and person has to be right. You don't want to jump into marriage and the domestic lifestyle just for the sake of fulfilling some ill-conceived notion about appropriate age and then later divorce because you are not happy. She should understand that, but most importantly, I would let her know that you do have marriage on the agenda. She may feel that you have dismissed it completely.





Good luck to you.