How to deal with being an "old maid" and all the emotional instabilities?

I'm in my late 30's, never had a boyfriend, always wanted one, but no one was ever interested in me. I've been very depressed. I'm not pretty and look at least 20 years older than my age. Because I'm an old maid, reaching mid life crises, I get upset very very easily. I have no one to talk to about my problem. Other than seeing a therapist, any home treatment for this problem?

How to deal with being an "old maid" and all the emotional instabilities?
Can someone advise you on how you are dressing, your makeup and hair? (I one time did this for myself and it was worth it) That could be a first step if you are really out of touch with what looks okay on you. Then perhaps see someone to talk about how you interact with others. How about going out with your friend as a friend? Don't worry about the dating issue, just see how it is to be with a friend. Lots of luck.
Reply:I'm past 40 and have no children. Even if I had a child at this late date, I would be very old by the time he/she grew up. So, I feel as if I have missed out on something too.





The first thing I suggest doing is praying to GOD for help and comfort. Getting counseling for emotional stress doesn't hurt either. But, I believe calling on GOD should come first.





In spite of the age issue, I have decided I still want to go ahead and marry.
Reply:I would recommend finding your satisfation and joy in someOne other than a husband, for now. I know that very ugly women get married all the time. Getting married is much more than looks. (you are probably being very hard on yourself, and you are not as "ugly" as you think). I would recommend a book called "A Life of Joy" from www.katiehoffman.org. Men love happy, nice women. Once you become a joyful woman who is nice and kind, you will become much more attractive to me. I would also recommend joining a good women's Bible study at a church. Even though it is not the same as being married, having friends that you meet with weekly will help with the lonliness. I do hope that these things are able to help you.
Reply:Try being happy with who you are. There are a lot of married people who are incredibly unhappy because they got married for all of the wrong reasons. Being single, you are free to live however you want, move wherever you want without taking anyone else into consideration. You are free! I hate labels. Get rid of that "old maid" label. Not everyone is pretty. It's what's on the inside that matters. There are a lot of evil-minded beautiful people and a lot of good-hearted not-so-beautiful people are out there. If you look older than you are, try getting a makeover. Try joining a book club or church group. You may meet a boyfriend. Good luck to you.
Reply:I think it's important to remember that the grass is always greener on the other side. By being single and unattached, you have an incredible gift.....the gift of total freedom. You can do whatever you want, travel wherever you want to, go back to school and study something, etc......your life is your own and no one else's. Do you have any idea how many married people wish they had your level of freedom?





So, instead of thinking of yourself as an old maid....What about who you are as a person? What are your interests? What kind of life would you be happy with (whether or not that includes a significant other)? Have you considered taking classes, volunteering, etc.?





If you are depressed, I strongly recommend seeing a therapist or counselor. Depression is not something people should attempt to deal with on their own. It makes you feel more isolated, and the way to fight that isolation is to try to make a connection to someone (or a group of people).





Also, you should know that depression tends to make people look older. When I was 19 or so, I was in a very depressed stage in my life.....and people would often guess that I was in my thirties. Years later, after redirecting my life, I'm now 33 years old.....and people usually guess I'm 6 to 8 years younger than I am. Instead of focusing on your appearance, if you focus instead on the internal stuff, I'm sure you could reverse that part of it, too.





By the way, I'm also single.....I have no children.......and I love every minute of my life. I've seen so many couples (with and without children) end up divorced....life is never perfect, but it is what we make of it.





Best wishes for you.......
Reply:I think you would be surprised how many people out there think the same. I'm nearly forty and feel like I'm about seventy in the body. Been too busy doing the good things in life and pushing weights past the roof and suddenly thought, **** I have the rest of my life left and I haven't even had kids or sorted out my life like others, feel like Ive missed out on something. Xmas time seeing all the grand children and children to others having fun does it to me. I just see it as the way it is, that's the walk I'm on, only I can change that I guess and hope that Xmas 2009 is better. I think we are in that boat because many others are to and we meet up in the end and have the same similarities as each other. You just have to have that little hope that things will get better, and you are as good as anybody else in this world and what ever you feel, there is worse out there. What we feel on the inside will draw on the outside. You cant be that bad, send me a pick and Ill tell you the truth, robbotait@xtra.co.nz